Rob Chambers Dot Com

Enter The Meatshield

2009-10-02T17:34:00.002-07:00

Hi all,

As I'm sure you've noticed, I have stopped updating this blog. However, I now have my very own webcomic where you can keep up on my doings and whatnot at Meatshield, which is a Dungeons & Dragons-style humor strip. Hope you enjoy it!

Take care,
~Rob

Gee whizzikers, where the heck have I been?

2009-01-19T22:17:00.002-08:00

Hi folks.

I realize I've neglected this blog of late, and that it has been a rather significant period of time since I last posted here. Sorry about that. I've been kind of distracted. Lots of things have been going on, and I only wish that they were all good.

Back in September, I finally got a job in Las Vegas, writing and editing for a website called Unicahome.com. I was hired pretty much sight unseen by the owner, who recognized pretty quickly that I had some talent when it came to writing. When I asked them what my job title was, I was told to "make something up," as nobody had any clearly defined job titles. I chose "web content editor," which pretty much summed it up. I checked the prices of items for sale, wrote product descriptions, and wrote book reviews for the weekly newsletter when needed. I was finally starting to feel like I was being appreciated for my talents, which were being used in a professional setting for the first time in a very long time.

I was laid off from that job a little over a week ago.

Why? The economic downturn that has bitch-slapped America and the rest of the world, really. The website I worked for sells high-end designer furniture and household goods, lamps, and objets d'arte. We're talking really expensive stuff, like couches that sell for well over $4,000 that you can't figure out how to sit in. Or my personal favorite, the fall of the damned' lampshade, which depicts the souls of the damned falling into Hell. That sucker goes for over $51,000. So, the only people that can afford stuff like that are people that are loaded, and between the economic meltdown, the financial companies collapsing, and the pyramid scheme with that Maddoff guy (however you spell the name - it's late and I don't feel like looking it up), a lot of their customer base dried up.

So, my being effectively fired severed any ties my family and I might have had keeping us in Vegas. We're moving back to Santa Clarita, California to be closer to family and so that my wife can resume working in the main office of her employer.

If anyone knows of anyone hiring in the northern LA area, please let me know. I can use all the help I can get, frankly.

Take care,
~Rob

Okay, here's where I become a jerk for a little bit.

2008-08-27T13:40:00.007-07:00

I just read something today that made me scratch my head and wonder "Why?" Lynn Johnston is kind of ending her popular comic strip, For Better or For Worse, this Sunday. I say "kind of" because she is but she isn't. Go look at this link. I'll wait.

Did you read it? Good. You probably share my puzzlement. If you didn't go to that link, here's the gist of it: The storyline that has made up the past 29 years of For Better or For Worse is coming to an end this Sunday, only to be relaunched from DAY ONE on Monday. That's right, Ms. Johnston is hitting the rewind button and going all the way back to 1979. Essentially, she's going to all of her old strips and re-drawing and re-writing some of them and telling the whole story all over again. Michael and Elizabeth will be kids again, April will be a newborn (when she finally shows up) and Elly and John will be younger and parents of little kids. Oh, and Farley the dog will be back.

Here's the part where I become a jerk: This sounds to me an awful lot like just trying to keep a steady paycheck rolling in and less about the art. She claims that she wants to revisit those stories with the experience and technical craft that she has at her command now, but I don't entirely buy that. Now, I've never been someone whose head was so far up in the clouds that I can't realize that art and commerce must coexist, but... criminy, this is just rehashing old work. If she wants to stay in the game, as she purports in the article, then why not either keep the strip going or start a new strip? I think that part of it is that, no matter how many comic strip collections she's sold and how many papers her strip runs in (about 2000 papers), FBOFW doesn't have the broad marketability of, say, Garfield or Peanuts, where plush toys, animated cartoons, movies, musicals, etc. have been made of those strips. As much as readers love the Patterson family and their friends, no one wants a Michael Patterson action figure. Farley the dog (who died saving an infant April Patterson) - OK, there you got me, people might want a plush of him.

To a limited extent, I can understand why she's doing this: cartoonists essentially work for ourselves. We have no health insurance, no 401K (or whatever the Canadian equivalent is), no benefits whatsoever besides the ones that we are able to procure for ourselves. Doing a full rewind means that she will still be earning her standard rate for her strips, but for much less work, thus ensuring that she will be able to provide for herself in her later years.

Mind you, I know that I do not have the career that Ms. Johnston does and may not ever have one like it, since newspapers are dying off like flies hitting a bugzapper, but I feel that she can keep the story going if she really wants to. Part of her desire to rewind may have to do with her divorce from her husband of 32 years; looking backward at happier times is so much easier than going forward into an uncertain future. Believe me, I know all about that.

OK, I'm done being a jerk (for now). With my luck, this sort of thing will bite me in the butt in the future:
"Rob, this is Lynn Johnston. Lynn, this is Rob Chambers."
"oh, yes. I remember your little rant about me in 2008."
"Umm, yeah. Nice to meet you." The temperature drops by 15 degrees with the icy stare directed my way.

Take care,
~Rob

Random Ramblings and A Brother Who Needs Some Love

2008-08-14T13:51:00.005-07:00

As the title above suggests, this is going to be one of my random rambling posts. You have been warned.

I am now gainfully employed! I have joined the web team at a contemporary art home furnishings website called Unica Home. I start on 9/2 and I'm looking forward to it.

At the same time, the girls will be going to preschool and not a moment too soon. As much as I love them to bits, they need to be in a structured school environment.

Everyone and his brother seems to have seen The Dark Knight except me and strangely, since I am a gigantic comic book nerd, I have absolutely no desire to see it. Didn't care about Batman Begins either, even though it brought one of my favorite Batman villains to the screen : Ra's al Ghul. Apparently, Robert Downey Jr. shares a similar opinion with me regarding Dark Knight, although he uses slightly more colorful language to express his displeasure.

In case you haven't looked at my links to the right, let me introduce you to someone who I truly feel is not only a great cartoonist but a great guy: Tom Beland. Tom and I share a few things in common: he's from California, he's a cartoonist, and he was in a long distance relationship with his wife for a long time before he made the leap and moved across the country to Puerto Rico. Well, without sounding too sappy, Tom is hurtin', folks. Tom's comic book, "True Story Swear to God", which is one of the books I look to when I need reminding that I can indeed be a cartoonist again, isn't doing real well, sales-wise. The book is getting eclipsed by other books that have half-naked women on the covers with 75 HHH breasts and 14 inch waists. You think I'm exaggerating, don't you? You may not have seen a superhero comic in a while, then. Tom just came out with a compilation of his books which are available at your local comics store or by ordering online here. But that ain't all, folks. Tom has been having some health issues, mostly involving his back and his drawing hand, which he has been having tremors in and let me tell you, that's pretty frickin' terrifying for any artist. After my sight, that's the one thing that I would truly fear losing, my ability to draw. So, do me a favor, gang: go to his blog and give the brother a little love: say a prayer, let him know that a lot of folks care, whatever you feel comfortable doing. He does great work and deserves to have his work seen by as many people as possible.

Thanks, and take care,
~Rob

My Birthday. Such as it is.

2008-07-29T12:30:00.002-07:00

I have no idea how to begin this post. I guess I just did, though.

I don't mean that to sound as foreboding as it must sound. It's just that, on your birthday, you're usually supposed to have some sort of pithy comment or advice for those younger than you. I don't have anything like that right now. All I know is this: remember the movie City Slickers, with Billy Crystal? Near the beginning of the movie, Billy Crystal's character, Mitch, is addressing his son's class on career day and just starts whining and moaning, saying, "Treasure these moments, kids, 'cause you'll never have it this good again. Your 20s will be a blur. You'll spend your 30s saying, "Hey, what happened to my 20s?" I hate to say it, but so far, he's right on the money. I did spend my 30s regretting the fact that I spent my 20s working in a motel on graveyard shifts for 13 years. I regret not getting out enough. I regret not losing the weight that I need to. I also regret that I have recently been treated like persona non grata with Zappos.com.

Get this, campers: ON MY 40th BIRTHDAY, three days before I was to be interviewed by Zappos (again) for employment, I got a phone call stating that their training class was full and that I was put on the list for the 2009 class. I'm sorry, but when exactly did they realize that the class was full? Today? Just like that, all of a sudden? I doubt it. This interview had been planned for the last 6 WEEKS! I had a ton of hopes pinned on it, and just like that, they've all been dashed. I feel like I've had this carrot dangled in front of me, only to have it snatched away from me at the last moment.

Last night, my wife asked me not to get maudlin today. Too late. She also said to focus on what I do have versus what I don't. She's right. I do have a great deal. I have a loving wife. I have two adorable twin daughters. Although I have a small circle of friends, they are close ones, for the most part. My family still talks to me;), even when I get maudlin. I have a roof over my head and food on the table.

So, I didn't get this job, and how I was notified kind of stinks. Things could be a lot worse. I could have ended up a living embodiment of Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.

Take care,
~Rob

The Legion of Robs

2008-07-22T08:04:00.004-07:00

Huh.

You know how sometimes you'll come across someone that has the same birthday as you and there's this lull in the conversation where you wonder if you should have some sort of connection with the other person? I just had that, only different.

I just met another Rob Chambers. Sort of.

A few years ago, I got an email from someone named Rob Chambers that wanted to buy my domain name. At the time, I was trying to break into editorial cartooning and needed (I thought) a domain name of my name so as to make myself better known to publishers. I thanked my fellow RC for the interest, but no thank you.

When I told my wife about it, she wondered who it could be. I joked that it might be Robert E. Chambers, Jr., the Preppy Murderer. She told me I was sick. I then said, "Ehh, it's probably a lawyer that wants to hire some 16 year-old to code a webpage for him because he hears it's all the rage these days with the younger people."

Then, out of the blue, I said, "It might be that guy at Microsoft that works on voice-recognition technology." How did I know of him? Well, like a lot of people, I Google my own name every once in a while, and this guy pops up a lot. I was working for a non-profit at the time that did closed-captioning by doing something called Voice writing, using an voice-recognition application called ViaVoice to create caption text files, so it would have been odd if this were that guy.

Turns out, yep, it was that guy. I got an email from him today. Seems like a pretty cool guy. Life's weird. :)

Take care,
~Rob

Indulge my Geekiness, won't you?

2008-06-15T09:54:00.004-07:00

Howdy folks. OK, this is going to be a 100% geeky post because I'll be talking about Dungeons and Dragons. If you have an allergy to geeky subject matter, I suggest you take some Benadryl and put a cool cloth on your forehead. As for the rest of you, here we go...

I'm going to assume that if you're still reading this that you have some familiarity with the game, so I won't be explaining concepts and terminology as I go. Like I said, 100% geek. Anyway, recently, Wizards of the Coast (the company that now publishes D&D) came out with D&D 4th Edition. I got my brand-spanking new rulebooks Monday before last and.... hmmm. For the most part, it's a much more streamlined system, but I have a few quibbles with it. Specifically, the abilities many of the traditional classes now have or have lost. Here's my list:

WHAT THE HECK WERE THEY THINKING?

Paladins can no longer detect evil, are no longer immune to disease and poison, and don't get the option to have a paladin's warhorse. Also, they can now be of any alignment, which in my mind takes a lot of the RP fun right out of it.
Rangers no longer get access to nature-oriented divine magic, there is no clear-cut definition for how tracking works, and they no longer have any abilities with animals AT ALL, including an animal companion. Now, they're just snipers or guys that can use two weapons really well (you have to choose one or the other).
Wizards, even though they got rid of the Vancian magic system, which is good (i.e. you memorize spells and then have to re-memorize them after you use them), the breadth of wizard abilities are limited to variations of "you blow stuff up real good", with only a few utilitarian powers. Also, they can no longer attract familiars. I'm of two opinions about that: its been part of the game since 1st edition (I think) and a familiar adds a certain level of utility and flavor to your wizard. However, I have run wizards and seen other people run wizards where they have forgotten about their familiars until it was brought to their attention ( 'Isn't your owl able to fly up there?' 'Huh? Oh, yeah, my owl. Yeah, he can fly up there').
The Warlord class. If the other PCs are the grunts in combat, he/she's the officer barking orders and leading by example. Fine. Could've been made part of the fighter class, but, heh, whatever. One member of the group that I'm going to run 4E for is already planning on making a warlord. I'm going to reserve judgment on this one until I see it "in the field."
Many of the signature spells of 3E are either not present or have been so drastically changed that the only thing that stayed the same was the name. Mage Armor? Gone. Wish? Gone. Damn near any illusion or conjuration-based spell? Gone.
Very very very limited multiclassing. Gone are the days of taking a few levels of fighter here, 2 levels of rogue here, etc. Now, you multiclass by taking a feat that enables you to exchange one or more of your main class' abilities for an ability from the other class. You stay a fighter, for example, but you are a fighter that might be able to cast magic missile or turn undead. Also, you only get to multiclass into one other class. That's it.
No prestige classes. They have things called paragon paths and epic destinies, which may sound neat but are pretty weak and inflexible compared to prestige classes. Oh, I forgot to mention, paragon paths and epic destinies ensure that you stay with your main class - again, there is essentially no multiclassing, which sucks, IMHO.
Many people have argued that the rules have been "dumbed down." Again, I will reserve judgment.
Half-orcs are not present and neither are gnomes. True, I know no one who has ever played a gnome, bu I know they have their fans in the RPG community. Half-orcs, on the other hand, have a lot of fans - it's always fun to play the big dumb guy that just blunders through and messes up everything (Leeroy Jenkins, anyone?) Instead, they went ahead and made one brand new race called the Dragonborn (remember the Draconians from Dragonlance? Kind of like those guys, except nicer origin and no wings, but they do get a breath weapon) and reworked two previously existing races: tieflings (half-demonic humans) and eladrin (elves that REALLY love magic versus loving the forest). Also, they made halflings into a people that travel the rivers of the world. I'm sorry, but in my mind, halflings will always be at least city dwellers, if not little people that live in hobbit-holes.

Ok, that's all the energy I have for ranting right now. Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think.

Take care,
~Rob

Meatshield strip Number 2!

2008-06-12T17:25:00.005-07:00

Yay! Strip #2 done! 2 down, 28 to go till start-up. Click on the image for a larger version.

Take care,
~Rob

A Moment of Genius! Sort of.

2008-06-05T14:15:00.002-07:00

I don't know about you, but whenever I take a drink out of a coffee cup that has one of those to-go lids on it, some of that coffee just kinda spurts back up out of the lid at me because of the suction. I mean, there's this little hole on the top of it that supposed to equalize the pressure but that's never poked all the way through because the way it's manufactured.

You know what occurred to me, only about a month ago or so? Take a ball point pen and widen that hole. Now, I'm nearly 40 years old. I've been drinking coffee since I was roughly about 20. Here's the point: it has taken me 20 years to think of this brilliant move.

There are times I wonder how I get by in life. This was one of those :)

Take care,
~Rob

Heh?

2008-05-29T13:12:00.002-07:00

I was out walking the girls around our neighborhood and I saw a car with a license plate that said "Sorrow". What the heck is up with that? I wonder what the story is behind that one.

Yep, that's all I've got for you today. Hasta!

Take care,
~Rob

Meatshield Prototype #1

2008-05-11T21:59:00.003-07:00

This is the first of what I hope to be many examples of my webcomic "Meatshield". I just thought I'd post it here t get some feedback and to prove that, yes, I can draw and write. The idea behind this is pretty simple: Your average Dungeons and Dragons team of adventurers meets The Office. Sort of.

Meatshield copyright 2008 Rob Chambers

More to come...
Take care,
~Rob

Brief update from yesterday

2008-04-25T17:33:00.001-07:00

I just got my rejection letter for the editorial assistant job. It was a very nice rejection letter, but, still.... the quest continues.

Take care,
~Rob

A little bit of catch-up

2008-04-24T17:46:00.002-07:00

Hi everybody,
Just wanted to put up a quick note to let everyone know that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Here's what's been going on:

The job search has been in high gear for a while now and I had an interview last Friday for a position as an editorial assistant. Keep your fingers crossed!
When Kathy and I moved to Vegas, everyone and his brother was saying, "Hey, Rob, if you want to work in Hospitality, that's the city to do it in, they're giving jobs away if you have any experience....." Well, I heard something on the local news that denies that: Most of the casinos in the Las Vegas valley have reduced their hiring by 30% and MGM/Mirage just laid off 800 people. So, there you go.
The girls are about 95% potty trained. Emma has got the idea for both Number 1 and Number 2, but Nicki is having trouble with Number 2. Lots of poopy panties. I love being a stay-at-home dad :) .
I have begun work on a webcomic called Meatshield. You can go there now, but there's hardly anything there. The elevator pitch for the strip is "Imagine Dungeons and Dragons meets The Office." Sort of.

Otherwise, we're all healthy and somewhat sane. Talk to you all later!

Take care,
~Rob

Swiper's Review

2008-03-16T11:21:00.002-07:00

SETTING: The interior of a standard office meeting room. Seated on either side of a utilitarian desk are two people: The INTERVIEWER, a man in his mid-30s and the subject, one SWIPER T. FOX, a small foxlike creature wearing blue gloves and a blue mask.

Interviewer (I): All right now, Mr... Fox, is it?

Swiper T. Fox (F): Heh heh heh, that's right!

I: This should only take a few minutes, it's just your standard Villain year-end review, nothing too complicated.

F: Okie dokie!

I: .... Right. Now then, why don't you tell me, in a nutshell, just what it is that you do?

F: Sure! I SWIPE things!

I: Ah! Theft! Very good, very good, that's always a commendable skill for a villain to have. How much have you netted this year from your thievery?

F: Huh? I don't use nets.

I: (blinks) No, I meant how much money have you earned from the sales of your ill-gotten gains?

F: I don't sell anything I swipe.

I: I see. What do you do with the things you steal, then?

F: It's classic! I sneak up on a little girl and her pet monkey, then I take whatever they have and throw them away!

I: Throw them away?

F: Yeah! Then I say "You'll never find your stuff now!"

I: Hmmm. Go on.

F: (fidgets in seat) I mean, that's usually how it works... then. You know, like that. (coughs) Unless...

I: Unless... what?

F: Unless they hear me coming, then sometimes it don't work out so good.

I: "Doesn't"

F: Huh?

I: You said "don't work out so good." It should be "Doesn't", not "don't."

F: (stares blankly, mouth agape)

I: So, if they hear you coming, do you run away, try again when they can't hear you?

F: No, I just try anyway.

I: Ah, perseverance! Excellent! Then what happens?

F: If I'm fast enough, I get their stuff. If they catch me, and say "Swiper No Swiping" three times, then I can't get their stuff.

(five minutes go by in silence)

I: Let me see if I understand this, Mr. Fox. You don't sell what you steal, you simply throw it away.

F: Uh huh!

I: You only steal from ONE individual - no banks, nothing like that?

F: Yeah! Well, her and her monkey friend!

I: And if she hears you coming -- how is that she hears you?

F: Oh, I have really a neat sound effect when I'm sneaking up on someone! It sounds like this:

(a sound suspiciously like a maraca being shaken is heard)

I: ... Right. (coughs) If she hears that, she simply tells you not to steal three times and you go along with it?

F: Yeah!

I: Is this girl your nemesis?

F: Nemewhatsis?

I: Nemesis. Is she your enemy?

F: No! I love Dora!

I: Hmm. I think I've heard all I need to. Mr. Fox, you are without a doubt the worst so-called villain I have ever met, and in my opinion, you are borderline mentally retarded. I am officially downgrading your status from Villain to Minor Annoyance. As such, you are no longer employable with this firm.

F: No, Wait! I really need you guy's insurance! I can't afford COBRA!

I: Also, I advise you to invest in some remedial English classes - "You guy's" is not proper English.

F: But but but--

I: Good day.

(INTERVIEWER presses a button on the desk which opens a trap door beneath Swiper, dropping him into the black pit below)

F: (falling) Ohhhhhh, Man!!!

I: (sighs) Ms. McGillicutty, who is next for review?

(an intercom on the desk crackles to life): Your next subjects are a pair of monkeys called The BoBo Brothers. Shall I send them in?

I: Sure, send them in.

I: I hate this job.

[END RECORDING]

Quick Quote

2008-03-06T15:49:00.002-08:00

Hi Folks,

Just a quick post (with a more detailed one to follow) - I saw a quote today that I just had to share, as I feel it to be very very true:

“Every time you sniff and say somebody has ‘too much free time,’ the part of you that used to love making things for pure joy dies a little.”

— Merlin Mann

Talk to you all later

Take care,
~Rob

Coffee Coffee. Buzz Buzz.

2008-01-25T16:56:00.001-08:00

Being a stay-at-home dad, there are a few things that I need in order to function well in that role. Hell, in any role, come to think of it. One of those daily rituals is coffee. Daddy needs his "go juice" in the morning or I'm nursing a massive caffeine withdrawal headache by 11:00am. My favorite blend (so far) is Millstone Coffee's Foglifter, which has a nice picture of the Golden Gate Bridge on the bag (I'm a sucker for San Francisco imagery) and does what it says: lifts the fog from your brain.

Unless, of course, your coffeemaker breaks, like mine did yesterday.

For now, I am making do with Folger's Coffee packets (kind of like teabags for coffee instead), but it doesn't quite compare to having a full pot of coffee at your disposal. Since money's tight right now (the aftermath of the holidays), a new coffeemaker has to wait for a bit. I have developed a curiosity of late for a particular blend of coffee that I am told is the java version of Nirvana: Tim Horton's coffee.

For those who don't know (which until a few months ago included me) Tim Horton's is a donut chain that is to Canada what Starbucks is in the U.S. In fact, I've heard stories where people will go to Tim Horton's to get their coffee and then go to the Starbucks across the street to socialize. Apparently, it's that good. There's also an urban myth that Tim Horton's laces their coffee with nicotine, which I just find hilarious. One of these days I will either a) go to a Tim Horton's and try it for myself firsthand, or b) order a bag of it via this website, which would be much cheaper, I know.

I need a cup of coffee. Talk to you all later!

Take care,
~Rob

2008-01-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,

Just a real quick post this time - there's this site called Not Always Right.Com, which relates tales of customer service and how sometimes the customer isn't always right. I posted a story to it from when I worked For Barnes & Noble in Texas and it just got published today! Here's the link.

Longer post later, I promise

Take care,
~Rob

Happy Holidays - I'm freezing!

2007-12-27T13:34:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to say "Happy Holidays" and to say that I and my family are greatly enjoying our stay in Nocona, Texas (also know as "the middle of nowhere"), even though it is freezing here.

That's it, really. Sometimes, I ain't too deep :).

Take care,
~Rob

P.S. I didn't get the job at Zappos. Oh well. Anyone in the Vegas area hiring? I draw pictures real good... :)

Naked Naked Naked!

2007-12-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

One of my little girls has discovered something about herself: she likes to run around the house naked. Now, she's 3 years old, so this can be excused, but it doesn't help that while she does it she shouts out "I"M NAKED NAKED NAKED!", giggling all the while. I love my girls. Even when they're naked. I just have these nightmares that being naked will someday play into a career choice for them. Hey, we live in Vegas, it could happen ;).

In other news, we have started serious potty training here at the house, which Emma is starting to take to. I had no idea that seeing the light dawn on her face when she pees in the potty (apparently, I am no longer able to refer to it as the toilet - it's the potty) would make me so happy, but it does.

I have an interview this afternoon with Zappos.com, an online shoe company which seems like a terrific place to work. I'll divulge more about it if and/or when I get the job.

Take care,
~Rob

Halloween is for kids

2007-11-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
After managing to completely futz up my computer, I am now back up and among the living on the Internet. Halloween was great and my girls were pirates for Halloween, as seen below:

However, I have this to say: if you are old enough to shave, you shouldn't go out trick-or-treating. If you have to switch shifts with a co-worker so you can work on your costume, you shouldn't go out trick-or-treating. If you have to DRIVE yourself to where you want to trick-or-treat... well, you get the idea.
I mean, I know that some folks may not agree with me, but Halloween is a holiday for children. Some of the kids I saw last night were easily 6 feet tall, and here are my two little 3-year-olds, barely two feet tall, having to jockey for position at the door to get the candy that they are never going to eat anyway, as the last thing these two need is more sugar in their systems.

Take care,
~Rob

Lots of random bits of news

2007-10-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

Howdy all,

This is going to be a bit of a disjointed piece of blogging, so proceed from here forewarned.

The job search continues apace while I take care of the girls at home. I really think I'm getting a handle on how to deal with them on a daily basis that still leaves me sane at the end of the day. Mostly, it involves talking softly to them instead of trying to use "the Father Voice of Authority."

Today, I went to my daughters' room and, thinking it kind of funny, politely knocked on the door before opening it - something I normally never do. Once I opened it, I saw Nicki, the oldest of the two twins, sitting on her bed "reading" a book to her sister, Emma. I was then told to get out because I "no be in here for the reading stories to Emma," delivered with all the indignation that a 3-year-old can bring to bear.

Well, she sure told me.

This past Friday I was really proud of myself. I was in full-on "Mr. Mom" mode. I managed to get the girls to take a nap without any gnashing of teeth or crying or any sort of turmoil, I got all the dishes washed, I did several loads of laundry, and had dinner cooked and ready for Kathy when she came home last night. Earned myself some brownie points there. Oh, and that cure for cancer I was working on? Yeah, finished that Friday, too.

This past Sunday, I went to my first Renaissance Festival ever. It was about as odd as I thought it would be. Essentially, it was like a science fiction and fantasy convention outdoors. Very interesting, but Kathy and I both agreed that we would have gotten more out of it if the girls were with a babysitter. I was wearing a t-shirt that my brother-in-law Chris had bought me that garnered me a great deal of compliments. I would describe it to you, but it's easier just to show you.

That ought to do it for now. Talk to you all later!

Take care,
~Rob

Toddlers and Sin City

2007-10-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I can hear two three-year-olds trying their level best to NOT take a nap, while out my window by my computer is a splendid view of our backyard and the mountains of the Las Vegas Valley in the distance.

Yes, folks, I have finally made the move. My family and I are now living in Las Vegas and I have this to say: so far, it's awesome. The skies are actually blue here, not the pale beige of the Los Angeles area and other than some high winds lately, the weather has been great. Now, I realize that I arrived just after one of the hottest summers on record in this country, not just Nevada, so I don't quite know how it is to live here when the average daily temp is around 103 degrees. However, like I said in an earlier post, I've never lived anywhere that was considered to be a cool climate, so I think I'll adapt.

Some of the things I've noticed here that differ from California that would not be readily apparent to the tourist visiting Las Vegas:

Station Casinos

Ahhhhhh, they finally fell asleep while I was writing this! No greater joy is known to the parent(s) of toddlers than successfully getting a child to sleep during the day. I don't know what I'll do with the time now! *grin*

More blogging to come.... stay tuned! :)

Take care,
~Rob

A little less conversation, a little more action

2007-08-29T21:33:00.001-07:00

Hi folks,
Well, I know it's been a while, but here's a brand-spanking new blog post for you. It may not be funny, but at least it's not slit-your-wrists-while-listening-to-The-Smiths depressing like the last one.

My little girls are now 3 years old! My wife came across some video we shot of them when they were little, and it's amazing how much they've grown, both in terms of size and in terms of vocabulary.

The big news is that we are moving again! Kathy got a HUGE promotion at work, but it hinges on us moving to the site of the new project for a minimum of 2 years. Where, you might ask? How does LAS VEGAS sound to ya?! Yep, the family and I are movin' to Sin City and we are looking forward to it. The only drawback to this move is the heat, but Kathy and I both grew up in hot climates (Houston and Los Angeles, respectively) so I think we'll be able to deal with it. Besides, after the temperature reaches 102, hot is just HOT, it doesn't matter what the thermometer says.

I'll post a little more frequently from now on. I got a little burned out on blogging over this summer, mostly because I was feeling like I was trapped in another dead-end job, but with this new development, I'm much more hopeful. I also plan on posting cartoons again after we get resettled in Vegas, as I have realized that if I'm going to call myself a cartoonist, I need to sh*t or get off the pot. (pardon my French).

Talk to you all later!

~Rob

I'm in a mood today.

2007-05-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

I realize it's been a while since my last posting, but Real Life intruded upon the blogging world, as it always does. I've been at my job since late September of last year and I've already seen people leave for better jobs, get promoted, or in some cases, fired. This all makes me wonder if I shouldn't seek employment elsewhere. This shift is not doing my body any good whatsoever (11PM - 7AM), and there is practically no way that I'll "get noticed" by management and get ahead, even if I wanted to rise in this company's hierarchy, which I'm not sure if I want to or not.

I wish things were the way they were when my father entered the workplace: you got your training in whatever field you chose and you worked for the company until you retired and then the company would take care of you by providing you with a pension so that you and the missus could retire and not worry about having to eat dog food out of a can just to get by.

I don't know if you can tell, but I'm in a mood today.

Let me throw this question out there and see who answers: how am I supposed to find a job that pays me what I'm worth and doesn't make me feel like I'm parceling out bits of my lifespan and my soul to an employer that couldn't care less? How can I find a job that lets me actually be creative in an artistic way and actually feeds my soul and my wallet? Is such a thing possible? Part of me wants to hope that it is, but another part of me just wants to rail away at the heavens for all the good it would do me.

Forgive me for getting all emotional, but if I can't vent here, I can't vent anywhere.

Next time I post a blog entry, it'll be funny. I promise.
Take care,
~Rob

Whole lotta babies going on!

2007-03-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

They say that some things in life come in waves: love, career success, tax audits. Add this to that list: babies. In the Chambers extended family, we gots a whole lotta babies coming down the pike.

My youngest sister, Debbie, is expecting a little girl in July;

My younger sister, Michelle, is expecting her first baby in November;

and my brother-in-law, Dave and his wife Laura are expecting (wait for it)....TWINS!

Yep, the holidays are going to be interesting! In addition to the immediate family, my wife's best friend is also expecting her first child. People ask me, so are you going to have more children? Our standard response is usually that we want to wait until the girls are a little older so we don't have 3 children in diapers at once, but right now, with all these little nieces and/or nephews headed our way, we'll be getting our baby fix in for quite some time.

Take care,
~Rob

I made the day of a movie star on Thursday morning.

2007-03-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

Hiya folks,

The hotel that I work for is in Santa Clarita, CA, and one of the things about my home town that I've always found neat is that the area is used for a lot of film and TV shooting. Ever seen The Flintstones movie and wondered about those slanted rocks that seemed to be everywhere? That's Vasquez Rocks State Park, about 10 minutes from where I live. Most of the area has doubled for Las Vegas in CSI and parts of town have been used for the exterior shots of Odessa, Texas in the NBC tv show Heroes (which, by the way, is frikkin' awesome). Anyway, the hotel I work for often has cast and crew staying there overnight, including Minnie Driver. She gets these custom prepared meals dropped off for her every night around 2:00AM so that she doesn't have to eat the food on the set. Thursday morning around 1:30AM, she had dropped off 2 of the empty insulated bags that her food comes in for the delivery guy to pick up that night. About 10 minutes later, I noticed something shiny in one of the side pockets of one of the bags. It was her gold Prada handbag. I called her immediately and she thanked me a great deal, as they had been tearing the set apart all day trying to find it. I didn't get a tip or anything for finding it, but I didn't really need one - it felt good to help her out.

Tomorrow the wife and I take off for Las Vegas to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. Hopefully this good karma I just built up will translate into a jackpot!

Take care,
~Rob

I woulda thunk that!

2007-02-22T00:10:00.000-08:00

It's funny how often I hear someone say something profound and think , "Yeah, that's just what I was thinking!" Although I've got his website listed off to the right, I rarely talk about Wil Wheaton much in this blog. For those of you who don't know him, he is an writer and actor who is best known for two roles: Gordy LaChance in Stand By Me and as Wesley Crusher in Star Trek: The Next Generation. He later reinvented himself as one of the first bloggers to gain a measure of fame and has had two books published. Anyway, I came across this post of his and it again triggered that "oh Yeah!" response from me. Check it out and check out the rest of his blog.
Oh, and Wil Wheaton and I share the same birthday, not that it means much; just a bit o' trivia for ya.

Take care,
~Rob

Who says you can't go home?

2007-02-19T22:14:00.000-08:00

I moved back to my childhood home in Santa Clarita, California after living for 4 years in Dallas, TX. Part of me expected the move back home to make things easier for myself and my family and it has, in some respects. In other respects, things have changed so much that I sometimes question the wisdom of the move. My wife and I moved here so that we could be near family, as my entire immediate family lives within a 5 mile radius, whereas my wife's family, as supportive as they are, are spread pretty far apart, geographically.

However, moving here hasn't fixed everything. I still struggle with finding work I enjoy versus work I can tolerate (barely) for the sake of my family, whereas my wife has found her niche in a company that seems to recognize her talents and intelligence. We are living with my parents, which has forced some readjustments on all of our parts. This living arrangement may sound odd, but not if you know what the Los Angeles area real estate market is like. Plus, this lets my folks bond with their granddaughters and vice versa.

There are good aspects to go along with the bad, don't get me wrong. If my wife and I need to just get out of the house and be alone for a little while, we have a minimum of 3 sets of babysitters available to us. We have been able to reconnect with friends we left behind when we moved to Dallas and are slowly making new ones as well. Finally, I grew up in this valley and know it like the back of my hand - except for the areas that are being developed at a break-neck pace.

I think, in the long run, that moving back to Santa Clarita will prove to be a positive move for us. I wish I knew what the future holds, but faith will have to serve me until I develop my psychic powers to see into the future - I'll let you know how I do with that:)

Take care,
~Rob

Reality Revision

2007-02-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

"I believe in the energy of art, and through the use of that energy, the artist's ability to transform his or her own life, and by example, the lives of others."
~Audrey Flack

It's funny the things that will all of a sudden dredge themselves up out of your memory. I was driving home from dropping the twins off at daycare when an episode from Tales from the Darkside popped into my head.

Now, for those of you that may not remember or have never heard of it, Tales from the Darkside was a Twilight Zone knock-off that mostly focused on horror stories - which meant that I didn't usually watch it. I do remember this one episode, though, that starred Harry Anderson (Judge Stone from Night Court) in an adaptation of a Stephen King short story called Word Processor of the Gods, where the protagonist is given a hand-made computer that can alter reality. Don't like the shape you're in? Write a new description of yourself and hit 'enter' and - poof - you're a whole new you. Job stinks? Describe $2 million dollars and hit 'enter' -
you're a millionaire.

Now, the reason that this popped into my head today was that, as I was driving home, I caught myself thinking, "You know, I wish the sky weren't so overcast - I could just cut and paste some blue sky over the gray in Photoshop and... oh, yeah, Photoshop is for pictures on my computer, not in the real world!" This, in turn caused that episode to pop into my head. "What if, instead of rewriting it, I could Photoshop my life...?"

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just rearrange the things we don't like about ourselves just by writing about them? That question then lead me to this question: what if, in a way, that is what I am doing now? What if, by writing about change and progress in my life, I am in some way encouraging it?

I've decided to get back on the ball with this blog and write up an entry every week (except the first week in March, when I'll be in Vegas celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary with Kathy). Why? It came out of a discussion with Kathy, as do most of the wise decisions in my life. Kathy proposed that I write at least once a week in my blog. I haven't felt very creative at all in quite some time. No excuses, really - real life just tends to intervene and you get wrapped up in it until you forget that, hey, wasn't I supposed to do something else besides bathe children and pay bills? Not that those things don't need to be dealt with. I just want to feel like an artist again and writing, doing something creative, seems to be a necessary first step.

I don't want to get all New Age-y with this, but maybe my writing can point the way to another reality, one where I can support my family and be happy. I refuse to surrender to the idea that life is meant to be endured, not enjoyed. I don't want my little girls to grow up thinking, "Daddy wanted to be a cartoonist, but he never got very far. Maybe I can't get very far with what I want to do, either."

I can't promise earth-shaking revelations or thigh-slapping hilarity. What I can promise is that I will write once a week, every week. Maybe, through writing, I can change my reality for the better. Washboard abs would be good to start with, but I'll take what I can get.

Take care,
~Rob

Turkey Day Thanks

2006-11-22T14:00:00.000-08:00

I know it's kind of cliched to talk about what you're thankful for when Thanksgiving rolls around, but in honor of tomorrow's turkey-fest, I thought I'd jot down a few things that I'm thankful for. Some are sincere and heart-felt, some are tongue-in-cheek - you decide which is which.

1) My wife and daughters. Whenever I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels and wandering through life, they help to keep me grounded and loved.
Love you, babe. Love you, peanuts.

2) My family, both immediate and extended. As much as many of you don't know what to make of me sometimes, I appreciate that no matter what I try, you're right there backing me up.

3) My friends. I had once read in The Book of Questions a question that read:"Which would you rather have: many friends you are somewhat close to, or a small circle of close friends?" I've chosen the latter.

4) Pete's Wicked Ale. Brew of choice for those 5 or 6 times a year I drink.

5) World of Warcraft, for allowing me a place to vent frustrations and play make-believe.

6) Cool brothers-in-law. I never had any brothers, but I'm proud to call these three guys mine. Rob, Chris and Dave: you guys are way cooler than I and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

7) The Internet. It's provided me with entertainment, with news and ultimately, a wife and a life.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Take care,
~Rob

Night Time Hi-Jinks!

2006-10-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

Ah, the joys of working nights. If you remember from a previous posting, I'm now working Night Audit for a major hotel chain whose name rhymes with Wyatt. I am now officially out of my training period - still in my probation period, though.

*sigh*

Interesting little bit of drama happened last Friday: we had a guy try to kill himself on the second floor. He was butt-naked and screaming at the top of his lungs. He and his friends had one of our rooms and the room was completely thrashed - blood and vomit everywhere. It took 4 cop cars and a paramedic to get this guy out of the room strapped to a backboard. When the Sherrif's deputy came back 2 hours later to get a report from my trainer, we found out that he had crystal meth, cocaine, tequila, and magic mushrooms in his system, among other substances. Ready for the kicker? This all occurred while we were hosting an AA convention (no, he was not one of the conventioneers).

When I was in my early 20's, I used to play D&D every Sunday with a group of about 7-8 people. I was working Night Audit for a Days Inn in a truckstop town called Castaic and I would come to each Sunday's game with a "Psycho of the Week" story.

Hopefully, this was a Psycho of the Month or of the Year.

Take care,
~Rob

Random Stuff from the TwinDaddy

2006-09-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

Wow! 2 posts in the same month?! This is nigh upon unprecedented! Hold on a moment while I center my ch'i...

OK, now I'm good. Hi, how's it going? Me? I'm not bad. Having a job makes you feel a bit better about the future, don't it? I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about my future, which you may have noticed from previous posts, I have been kind of in the doldrums about. My orientation got pushed back to next Thursday instead of next Monday, but that's no big thing.

I have recently (as of two minutes ago) received the following permission: I can stop calling my wife "Olivia" in this blog, as she now has her own blog, which you should really read everyday and commit to memory. :) My wife's name is Kathy and, speaking as impartially as I can, she is awesome. Anyway, the link to her blog is Adventures In La-La Land and when you read her writing and how smart and polished it is, you'll realize one of the many reasons I married her: she's, like really smart and stuff, dude. :)

Talk at you all later - we've got a birthday party for my brother-in-law (also named Rob) that we've been looking forward to all month. Hasta!

Take care,
~Rob

Domain Name Blues and Happy News

2006-09-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

Howdy do!
If you got to this page, it's because you had my address bookmarked as robchambers.blogspot.com. For the foreseeable future, robchambers.com is down until I can get the domain name renewed, which means it has to wait until I have money again.

However, I have good news on the job woes front - I GOT A JOB! I will be assuming duties for a major hotel chain whose name rhymes with Wyatt starting next Monday (Sept. 25). There are opportunities for advancement with this job, which I have never had with any job I've ever had that I cared about.

Just got done watching the Biggest Loser season premiere and it just drove home for me yet again that I gotta lose weight. I'm 38 years old now - it's not going to get easier to lose weight and a 5' 5" guy should not weigh close to 270 pounds! More on this later. I don't what I'm going to do yet, but I gotta do something.

So, I got a job (yay me!), now I have to get everything else sorted out. I'll let you know how I do with that.

Take care,
~Rob

Lots and lots of "ugh."

2006-08-31T15:54:00.000-07:00

Hi gang,
There has been this nasty cold that has been bouncing around my house lately and boy howdy did it hit me smack upside the head yesterday. I spent almost all of yesterday in bed, including when I got a phone call from a place I had turned in my resume to and I attempted to sound alert and composed and the epitome of the ideal potential employee. Don't think I did so great, there. Oh well.
I had an interview today for a customer service position at a security alarm company. I think I did OK, but I won't find out until sometime next week if I'm hired or not.
I'm sure I'm not the first person to say this, but unemployment sucks. It seems like it doesn't matter what I do, I can't find a job. I send out resume after resume and it just seems like I'm flinging them into this black hole, never to be seen again.
As always, prayers and advice are always welcome.

Take care,
~Rob

Plastic Horses and California Living

2006-08-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody,
Well, as I'm sure you've assumed by now, we made it out to California alive and relatively sane. The girls are getting bigger and Olivia and I have been hunting like the dickens for jobs - yes, we came out here without employment in hand, which does smack of being a bit impulsive and whatnot, but this was a move we had to make.
Emma and Nicki have been getting plenty of Vitamin D with all of the sunlight and exercise they've been getting. Grandma and Grandpa have bought them a swing set and slide, which they absolutely love, and they have two pink plastic horses with wheels on them that they delight in lifting up off the ground and carrying around, which usually earns them a "Wow, you're really strong, Emma/Nicki!" comment from me.
The job hunt has been daunting and I have had some intermittent temp work, but nothing to write home about. I have gotten some work from a small local magazine doing ad layout, but that's about it and I don't know how permanent that is, either.
I know it sounds kind of spoiled and/or New Age-y to say this, but I want a job that I at least like. I don't have to love it, but I need to like it and so far I don't see this happening.
When I was in high school, my guidance counselor told me to take up welding, not knowing what to do with some kid who wanted to be a cartoonist. I'm getting to the point where I almost wish I had taken his advice. Shoot, maybe I should be a guidance counselor? From what I've seen, I don't think it requires much in the way of qualifications.
If there's anyone out there willing to pray for us, please do. We can use all the help we can get.

Take care,
~Rob

A Missive from the Road

2006-06-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

Moving Daze (pardon the pun, I apologize :) )

2006-06-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

Whoa.

The past few weeks have been exhausting but educational. Here are some of the things I've learned:

For the most part, there is a whole lot of nothing between Dallas and Los Angeles if you stay on the interstate (which we did.)

Good friends can make the difference between a successful move and days of lower back pain. In Dallas, thanks go out to James Wallis, Jamie Stegall, and Sharon Dodge - you guys rock. Similar thanks go out to The Family in California - you guys know who you are :).

Apparently, my daughters had a grand time while their mother and I missed them like the dickens while we were driving the U-Haul out to California. Upon returning to them, they looked at us, said our names ("Mommy! Daddy!") and then went back to playing with their toys. Here I was, worried about having done some sort of psychological damage to them, engendering feelings of abandonment that I would no doubt have to deal with by paying very high therapist bills at a much later date and they were of the mindset of "Oh, You're back. Good to see you. Must go play with blocks now, we'll talk later."

I meant to do audioblog entries while on the trip, but for some reason, Audioblogger won't let me log on. Oh well, no big thing. Besides, I was so tired at the end of each day that any audio entry that I made would have been mostly mumbling about how tired I was and how Olivia and I were going to go get something to eat.

The slightly bad news is that we weren't able to get all of our stuff in the U-Haul. We got about 90% of our belongings stuffed into the truck and then noticed that we still had more to load. So, we were going to get a hitch on the van and rent a trailer from U-Haul until we found out that it was actually cheaper to simply rent a smaller truck, so this ain't over yet, folks. In two days time from this writing, I will be behind the wheel of another U-Haul, while my bride and the best 2-year old twins in the world will follow in our minivan.

We should be in California some time on Friday. Saint Christopher and anyone else out there reading this, pray for us:)

En route to Cali,
~Rob

Houskeeping, Uncle Earl, and Moving Heaven

2006-05-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

Howdy folks!

One little bit of house-keeping before I get into today's (this month's?) rant. If you have this site bookmarked, no doubt you've noticed that the address used to come up as http://home.earthlink.net/car2nist. I have recently made changes to that and this blog will be hosted (at least temporarily) by Blogger. You will be able to get to this blog most easily by just typing http://www.robchambers.com.

Thanks for reading that rather boring junk. Now, for the *ahem* meat and potatoes of this post, as it were.

I'm sure that we all get coupons in the mail on a regular basis. You know, envelopes marked "Valu-Save" or something of that nature. Usually, these things are packed with about 20 coupons for dry cleaners, dentists in the area, and oil change places. Maybe it's called the PennySaver where you are or Super-Saver or whatever.

Anyway, Olivia (the wife, not the niece) likes to go through that envelope each week, looking for deals that can keep our family solvent, because God knows I suck at that.

One stuck out among all the others.

CREMATION
What a beautiful alternative
DIRECT CREMATION $830.00
INCLUDES EVERYTHING

Pictured on the flyer are several urn selections which, although nice enough, I would not qualify as the beautiful alternative. Also, included with the contact info is a request that when you call, ask for Doug.

Yikes.

First of all, what funeral home director in their right mind is gullible enough to think that "yeah, if I advertise in the coupon book, people will flock to my doors" ? Also, I certainly hope that for $830 that it does indeed include everything and they don't just walk up to you with a really big zip-lock bag with what remains of Uncle Earl.

"Sorry about yer grandpa, Mister. If'n you'd had the flyer we put in the MoneySaver last week, you could had it all included."

I guess this ranks right up there with buying discount coffins at Costco.

(sigh)

In other news, the Great Chambers Family Migration continues to build up speed. We're getting really close to the wire, as we have notified all of our utilities to cancel our service in mid-June and we finished our garage sale last weekend. Oh, what a little slice of heaven that wasn't! Let me paint the picture for you: 95 degree heat, midrange to high humidity, a 2-day long allergy attack on my part, and MOSQUITOES. My legs are as spotted as a leopard's with all the bites I've sustained. I either will have contracted West Nile Virus or, since I'm still healthy, instead have developed an immunity to it now.

Yeesh. Wish us all luck, folks, as June is fast approaching and we will be in transit from Texas to California. If you see a UHaul on the road in the next few weeks and you see a rather frazzled guy in a Dodgers cap driving it, wave hello - I just must realize you're waving at me.

Take care,
~Rob

Chinese Water Torture and other ways to pass the time

2006-04-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

Ch-ch-changes...

Roughly 4 years ago, my bride and I moved to Dallas from Los Angeles, intent upon building a new life in the Lone Star State. Over time, that fresh start resulted in 2 adorable little daughters and 3 address changes, along with new friends and new experiences.

However, it's time for a change.

My wife ("Olivia") and I will be moving back to Southern California in mid-June. This is a decision that we made back in September, but I am only talking about it in this blog now out of respect for my wife, who did not want news of our impending relocation to somehow make its way to the ears of one of her coworkers prematurely. I was going to make an announcement earlier this month, but thought that it might have been taken as an April Fool's joke. No joke, folks. We're heading back to the land of swimming pools and movie stars. We actually wanted to leave in March, but it turned out that we had signed a 15 month lease; neither of us had seen that when we signed the papers, assuming that it was a standard 12 month lease. Thus we are stuck in our condo from Heck (not Hell, but almost as bad) until June. Waiting this long for our lives to essentially start over has been like Chinese water torture, only less fun.

Why the big move? Primarily, we want to live closer to our extended family members. We want to be close to family on a near-daily basis (which will be possible - keep reading) and to enable our girls to grow up with their cousins, which is something neither Olivia nor I ever had and we both always envied that opportunity. As much as I love my in-laws and they us, they live in a little town about an hour and a half drive from Dallas. My brother-in-law (who I'll call "Chuck" unless he writes me later and asks for a cooler nom de plume) and his wife and their little boy live in Seguin, Texas, which is a rural town somewhat near San Antonio; another significant drive from us. We're not going to move near either of them, and neither of them are moving anytime soon. However, the entire Chambers side of my family lives within a 10 - 15 minute drive of each other - and that's with traffic.

Olivia and I see this move as a true fresh start for us, in more ways than one. We are going to be residing with my parents for 6 months to a year so that we can pay off some bills and save up for a house. One of my sisters works in real estate, so we should be getting some inside help with finding said house. Also, it will afford Olivia and I the ability to explore different career options, which we both feel we need.

So that's where we stand at the moment. Mid-June we will be moving to California and this website will be moving to a different hosting provider, since we'll be canceling Earthlink and that's who currently hosts my blog. More details on that to follow.

Wish us luck, folks.:)

Take care,
~Rob

It must be love...or at least serious "like."

2006-02-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

I know that I'm a little late (OK, a lot late) in presenting a Valentine's post, but I have lots of good excuses - err, reasons. Chief among them being going to school again and taking care of the girls. Also, my folks have had some minor health trouble - nothing too serious, but they now essentially have to live like they had heart attacks, although they didn't.

But that's not why I decided to write up a post before February was gone and I'd miss the window on a Valentine's post altogether. No, it's because of Lana.

Lana (not her real name so as to protect my butt from libel charges) was the first girl I ever fell in love with. Well, maybe not "love," now that I know what that really feels like, but I was definitely in "like" with her. I was at school the other day and I saw this girl that reminded me of Lana a great deal and it made me wonder for the first time in years whatever happened to her. So I Googled her. Turns out that she became a poetess and runs some online poetry 'zine. I even read a little of an interview with her. Boy Howdy! Am I glad I married who I did, because Lana's work is a little...dark for my taste. The interviewer described it as "sensual," and not in the good way, I'm thinking. The kind that makes you go "Yikes!"

It's just funny the twists and turns life takes while you're making other plans (to paraphrase John Lennon). If I hadn't had the falling out with Lana (long and boring story, trust me), I would not have learned to appreciate the love I have for my wife, who is without question one of the sweetest, kindest and spiritually strongest people I have had the honor of knowing and loving. I know this sounds kind of saccharine, gang, but that's how I feel. Or, to be a lot less *ahem* poetic: My wife is awesome. Deal with it.:)

OK, so this was a pretty rambling post. They're not all masterpieces, folks :)

Take care,
~Rob

The Fortress of Solitude and poor vocational choices.

2006-01-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

I think part of my problem stems from the fact that I made a poor vocational choice in my youth. Other boys my age (around 8 or 9 or so) wanted to be firemen or cops or soldiers or some sort of professional athlete...I wanted to be a superhero.

Maybe that's indicative of my tendency to live in a fantasy world, I don't know. Everyone else I went to school with seemed to be more centered and seemed to know what they wanted and were able to work towards it. In my case, that was kind of difficult, as I had no superpowers (being able to curl my tongue sideways doesn't count, I've been told) and I was never able to scrounge up enough cash to afford to build my own superhero headquarters. I mean, Superman had it easy; all Christopher Reeve had to do was fling that green crystal into the snow at the North Pole and - poof - instant Fortress of Solitude. Try doing that in suburban California, see how far you get. Especially without a green crystal. Or Christopher Reeve, for that matter.

The closest I ever came to that was the time my friends Tony, Cal, Doug, Jeremy and I found this dug-out fort hidden in the hills near our future high school. It was so cool. Someone had dug out 2 or 3 rooms out of the hillside, open to the air and about 4 feet deep, with walkways between. It wasn't until years later (actually, last week) that I realized that this "fort" was probably not a fort at all but instead a hideaway someone had built in order to enjoy the illicit substance(s) of their choice. Yep, my "fort" was a drug den. I always wondered why we never went back to it - Doug would never go back there, but wouldn't say why, and if Doug wasn't going, then Tony wasn't going and if Tony wasn't going...you get the idea.

Anyway, my choice to become a superhero may not have met with much success - OK, any success - but not for lack of imagination on my part. Growing up on comic books like The Legion of Super Heroes, X-Men, The New Teen Titans, and The Avengers spurred me to create my own pantheon of superheroes for me to become in my mind's eye. Surprisingly, I never came up with very many supervillains, as I never wanted to identify with the bad guys. By junior high school, I had discovered role-playing games, especially superhero role-playing games (Champions was my favorite at the time), games where I could actually be the hero! Unfortunately, no one else owned copies of these games, so I was forced to be the referee (or GameMaster, as it is called), playing the part of the bad guys (see above comment regarding supervillains) while my friends and my sisters pretended to save the world.

To this day, a part of me still longs to become something other than what I am, to become a person of note, of power. In my imagination, I have superpowers, but I find that I rarely use those powers for the common good anymore. Usually, I find that instead of fantasizing about battling Galactus or Brother Blood, I'm using my powers of super-strength and flight to get myself and my car out of this traffic jam on the interstate that I'm stuck in. Yeah, I know - if I can fly, why am I driving? Secret Identity Maintenance - that's Hero 101 stuff right there. Or I'll find that I'm imagining blowing out the wheels of the jerk who just forced his way into my lane in front of me and across 2 more lanes of traffic because he's Mr. All-That by using my heat vision to melt his tires. In other words, not terribly altruistic or heroic goals. This is probably a sign that I should try to outgrow these flights of fancy, that I should accept the real world as is, without trying to add my own two cents worth. Maybe. Or maybe they're real good reasons that I shouldn't have superpowers.

In my next life, I'll make sure to pretend to be something that, while inspiring, is more grounded in reality, something more attainable. A wizard sounds good.
Take care,
~Rob

Holiday Hurdles

2005-12-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

I passed a major hurdle of parenthood last week. No, not colic, not ear infections, and not weaning them from the bottle (still have yet to do that). No, I faced and survived what could be thought of as one of the worst childhood hurdles:

My wife and I took took the twins to see Santa Claus for the first time.

Actually, after giving it all that build-up and after I had steeled myself for a miserable hour and half waiting in line to ultimately see my daughters cry at the tops of their lungs, it really went very well. The guy who was doing Santa had his own beard (meaning that it was his own hair, not a fake beard), and as Olivia put it, he was a "Grandpa Santa." That means that he was an older gentleman and had probably done the same thing for his own grandkids. He was just great with the girls. Emma and Nicki did cry, but that was very short-lived and we got a great picture out of it.

That's Nicole on the right and Emma on the left.

It's also the second picture we have of them where Nicki looks like she's just heard a joke and Emma seems to be asking her a question (possibly to explain said joke to her).

Now, the mall we went to had their Santa's Village set up like the animated special that we all (all of us under 40) grew up with: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, as animated by Rankin & Bass. I mean, it looked like an official endorsement. Hermie the elf and the Bumble were there, as well as two life-sized replicas of Rudolph and his girlfriend Clarice ("She thinks I'm cute!").

Now, I tell you all of this so I can relate this moment while waiting in line. The guy behind me is with his daughter, who was probably about 7 or 8 years old and looked like she had just come out of Libby Lu's, which is a store that lets little girls play dress-up and wear tiaras and things like that - someplace I'm probably going to see a lot of in the future.

Anyway, the father is talking on his cellphone to a buddy of his and his voice had that distinctive twang that you only hear in Texas / the Deep South. He was complaining about how he couldn't find any "hunting stuff or none a' that shit" in any of the stores he'd been to. Mind you, he's using that language in a line full of impressionable young minds going to see Santa. A little later, as the line files past the two life-sized replicas of Rudolph and his girlfriend Clarice, his daughter says something to effect of, "Daddy, who're they?," to which Mr. Shitkicker replied, "Oh, them's is some critters at the North Pole or somethin'."

Now, there are signs EVERYWHERE that say Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Welcome to Rudolph's North Pole and there was even a road sign that said "Reindeer Crossing." Hell, Rudolph's nose was glowing!

I looked down at the little girl and said "That's Rudolph and his girlfriend Clarice."
She then said, "Daddy, is that Rudolph?"
"Huh?"
"The man said that's Rudolph."
He then looked at me as if realizing that there were someone in line in front of him for the first time and said, "That's what?"
I said, "That's Rudolph and Clarice. It's from a cartoon."
He looked at me in what I took to be puzzlement.
"You know, 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'?" I was smiling and was doing my best to put forth vibes to him that said, "Dude, I know you're clueless, just go with it, you'll be her hero if you just show some interest."
He just looked at me, nodded and said, "yeah, that's Rudolph and his girlfriend or something."
"Clarice," I supplied helpfully.
"Yeah, Clarice. Ya learn something new everyday, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess you do, sir. Merry Christmas," I said smiling and looking as non-threatening as I can because it had just occurred to me that this guy didn't sound too bright and apparently had access to firearms and he might be thinking that I was trying to make him look bad in front of his daughter.
I then made a comment about Libby Lu's and how I'm going to have to do all of that stuff twice, and then he saw the twins, smiled, and said "God bless ya, man. Better you than me, ya know what I mean?"
I nodded, familiar with this sentiment from people who first see the girls, and faced forward in the line. Potential butt-kicking avoided by grace of my daughters. *grin*

Merry Christmas,

~Rob

This ain't no podcast, but it's close!

2005-12-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

Listen to the sultry sounds of my voice, courtesy of audioblogger.com.

~Rob

The rollercoaster that is my life

2005-09-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't updated this lately, and I hope someone is still checking in every once in a while. For those of you who are, you rock.

Life has taken a few twists and turns here at the Chambers household. Some good, some bad, but all interesting. First off, my daughters are growing like weeds. Emma has taken a record 18 steps and is walking more and more each day. Nicki is a little behind her sister, but as my wife puts it, Nicki will decide to just do it one day, all at once, no practicing for her. Essentially, she's been watching her sister and is probably thinking, "so, that's how NOT to do it." Olivia (my wife, not my niece) is doing well, all things considered.

The big news is this: I got fired from my job as a closed captioner on the 19th.

Wow. After I typed that, I just froze up. Just admitting it publicly is daunting.

The short version of the story of why I got fired is very simple: I was not suited to the job, and it was causing me stress just trying to make myself fit the job. Looking at the blog post just before this one, I see that I was happy to be where I was. I was, too - for a time. Then I fell behind and never caught up. My reasoning was kind of, "well, if my wife can do it, so can I," since my wife has been working for this company for 5 years, 2 of those in the same job I was booted from. The thing is, I couldn't do it. I don't have the attention to detail necessary for it, and in truth I found it mind-numbingly boring on occasion. Not a good recipe for career success.

This whole experience has been humbling, to say the least. My family members have been supportive, but I can't help but wonder if at least one of them is quietly thinking to him or herself, "Geez, why can't this kid hold down a job?" I can hold down a job, I was just trying something different and I got burned in the process.

I'd like to get a job in graphic art for publication (newspapers, magazines, etc.), but my resume simply screams "Customer Service Drone." I don't want to do that for a living, but in the end, I may have no choice.

Don't know if you read between the lines or not, but I'm a tad down about all this. I filed for unemployment (that was a little slice of heaven - not) and tomorrow I go to a job fair in downtown Dallas. Not holding out much hope for it, as the last job fair I went to was almost all sales positions and I don't want to walk down that particular path to the Dark Side of the Force.

*Sigh*. Sometimes, I really wish I was back in Los Angeles. Things seem to make more sense there. To me, anyway.

If you're so inclined, I'd appreciate any prayers you'd care to offer. I need all the help I can get.

Take care,
~Rob

Cabela's and Assorted Other Stuff

2005-07-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

Hi folks,
A few things going on, so let's get into it.

1) I started my new job as an offline captioner last Wednesday. I seem to be picking it up really well, and I like it a lot better than my last position within this company. Without going into too much detail (in the event that someone from my work reads this that doesn't have a sense of humor), my previous position and I were not a good fit. I could say a LOT more, but I'll be an adult (for a change) and not succumb to that temptation. I'm a lot happier now.

2) I know I've said this before, but I have the seeds of an idea for a comic strip. The difference this time is, I would want to publish it as a webcomic, as the state of newspapers in America is dismal. Also, this would allow me greater control over my work. Stay tuned!

3) I went to Cabela's in Fort Worth today. The place just opened and all I have to say is...Oh my God. For those of you who've never heard of Cabela's, it is this small chain of camping, hunting and fishing gear mega-ultra-super stores. This place is frikkin' huge! It has museum-quality displays of stuffed game, an aquarium, a archery shooting range, a laser-sight shooting gallery, audioanimatronic mounted heads that track your movements as though they're carrying on a conversation with you, a large pond/lake to test out boats before you buy them....The list goes on. Olivia and I bought souvenir T-shirts and got a lot of walking (i.e. exercise) done.

4) My birthday is Friday. I will officially be "pushing 40"; I'll turn 37. Family members have asked me what I want for my birthday, and the honest answer is "I don't know." I mean, there are a few things I'd like, but they're too expensive.
However, in case you're interested, here are the things I'd like to have, in no particular order:
a) $1,000,000.00. This is pretty much a constant request. ;)
b) A house for my family, as we're getting tired of renting and I'm really sick of sharing walls with people. If there is an eccentric millionaire out there, please help us out, we're the parents of twins!
Now, here come the more reasonable requests :)
c) a 30GB iPod.
d) World of Warcraft for the Macintosh, with a 6 month subscription.
e) A memory upgrade for my eMac.
f) DSL internet.

5) Thanks to the folks that have posted or written me regarding the lap band surgery, which I had mentioned several posts back. Unfortunately, I have found out that my insurance doesn't cover it, even though I am what is considered "morbidly obese." If anyone wanted to pay for that, too, I'd be open to that. I promise to post more often if that happens. :)

That'll do it for me. Gotta go sing "Twinkle Twinkle" and get my girls to sleep. A twin's daddy's work is never done. :)

Take care,
~Rob

Life's little blessings

2005-07-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

A short post for today, folks.
Sometimes, you just have to celebrate the tiny little things that God throws your way. Case in point: my daughters slept completely through the night last night.
Let me repeat that, for those of you that don't understand the amount of sleep deprivation my wife and I have been under since the girls were born: THEY SLEPT ALL NIGHT LONG!
Either that, or I was so tired last night I didn't hear them, but my wife would have nudged me until I got up, were that the case.
So, thanks God. I enjoyed the sleep.
Take care,
~Rob

OK, maybe not next Monday.

2005-06-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

I know that I said that I was going to have some potential good news the Monday after the last post. However, said potential good news never actually materialized. Not quite, anyway.
You see, what happened was I had received a call back for a second job interview with a large hotel chain for a position as an office services clerk, a position that would be at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder, but would allow me to climb said ladder. The first interview went very well, and I thought I had nailed it. Then there was ... nothing. So, the next week, I sent a second e-mail to the human resources manager that had interviewed me and I reaffirmed my interest in the position.
The next day, I received a call asking me to come in on that Friday.
When I arrived for my interview, I was told that there was a change of venue, and that I was to proceed towards one of their properties where their vice-president in charge of human resources would interview me.
I had a very enjoyable conversation with the lady, but I was told by her that if I wanted growth opportunities, that the growth opportunities existed more on the properties than in the corporate office. She then sent me to another hotel to speak to their hiring manager, who had two positions available: one as a concierge/bellperson making $6 an hour plus tips; and another one as a desk agent, making $9 per hour. Needless to say, I did not take either position.
What is really frustrating is that I thought that I had done very well in both of these interviews. I had poured on the Chambers charm, which I can turn on when I really need to (hey, I landed my wife with it--just kiddin', hon), and had got along very well with the two people that I interviewed with on the first round of interviews. I just don't quite understand what happened.

In far more positive news, I am now an uncle again! My sister and her husband had their little girl last Monday--at least, I think it was last Monday. I'll have to check with my wife on that, as she keeps the other half of my brain.:)
My niece's name is Olivia Marie. I received several pictures via e-mail of my niece, and she is a little cutie, with her mommy's nose, and her daddy's eyes.

As I said in the previous post, some of my new illustration work is up on my friend Shanna's website. Apparently, her book is doing very well, and she has received a number of compliments regarding my illustrations on her website. Hopefully, this will result in some freelance work for me.
If not, I've helped a friend out, so it's a win-win situation.

One final bit of news: My little girls will turn one year old this Saturday! I am looking forward to the party on Saturday because, among other things, my parents to be flying into town, whom I have not seen since shortly after the girls were born.

A shout out goes to Amy A. for the advice - as you've probably guessed, I suck at returing emails. Anyway, thanks for that thing what you told me about that one time, you know what I'm talking about ;).

That ought to do it for me.

Talk to you all later,

~Rob

Help a Sister Out

2005-06-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

In my time living in Texas, I have made only a few friends. I am like that, in that I do not make friends quickly or easily, but once I do they are firm and fast.
One of these friends is a woman named Shanna Swendson, a talented writer whose new book, "Enchanted Inc." is due to be released this weekend.
It is, by Shanna's own admission, a chick lit book, but one with an interesting twist: think Bridget Jones Diary meets Harry Potter.
I encourage everybody to go out and buy a copy and help a sister out, and by doing so, you can also help a brother out.
You see, I created several graphics for Shanna's new website. Not the web site put out by the publishing company, but her own personal website. The fee for this service? Nothing. Well, almost nothing. I have secured the following from Ms. Swendson: to have a link posted on her website to my website, hopefully to drum up some freelance business from other writers who have looked at her site. Also, to provide one meal for my wife and myself on a weekend of our mutual choosing.
Essentially, come over to our house and have dinner with us and enjoy each other's company. Heck, at this point, so I can enjoy some adult conversation, as my wife and I are exhausting all our conversational energy on asking our girls if they have had a wet or if they are good girls (They always do and they always are, in that order). Not a bad arrangement.
Then again, that's what you do for friends, you help them out. Help Shanna and yourself by checking out her book here.
That's all I have for today. Potential good news next Monday - stay tuned.

Take care,
~Rob

Hungry Jack

2005-05-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I've made any blog entries, so I thought I might address an issue which most people who know me already know, but which you, faithful reader, might not: I'm overweight. Not just a little overweight--according to the BMI index test that I took online two days ago, I am what is known as " morbidly obese. "
What this means is that my BMI index is at 45. A normal body mass index (or BMI for short) is around 15 to 30.
Now it is true, I did gain some weight after Olivia had the girls, but I seemed to help that "sympathy weight " along quite a bit.
Frankly, I am at a loss for to do.
I've tried several diets in the past. You name it: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig (funny story that; their diet program at that time made my hair start to fall out), NutriSystem, Weight Watchers again, SlimFast, Metabolife, Bill Phillips' Body for Life program, and most recently Michael Thurmond's Six Week Body Makeover. So far, nothing has worked consistently.
By that, I mean that I am able to adhere to the particular diet plan/exercise plan for only a certain period of time. After that point, I lose interest, or I get frustrated, or I hit a plateau, or for some other reason, I simply stop following the program.
When I went to school at San Francisco State University, I did a one-man show called "Hungry Jack" (after the brand of biscuits) for my creative arts interdisciplinary program class. I did a monologue with diagrams (read: cartoons) to complement it.
I know that my parents worry about me, as does my wife, my sisters, and my best friend.
However, it was a comment of a family friend last Sunday that for some reason made it seem a bit more real, as this individual is usually very quick with a joke and a grin, something he is known for.
He remarked upon my weight in a joking manner, but as my wife and I were leaving his house, I asked him how his diabetes was doing and he told me that he was " sinning but enjoying it," and I had said something to the effect of moderation.
He got a little quiet and seemed to mumble the word "likewise."
This threw me.
Perhaps he meant nothing by it; perhaps it was simply that he couldn't think of what to say, or that he thought it was ironic that someone who is obviously overweight was telling someone else how to manage their diet.
That is possible, but it may also be equally possible that he might have been voicing a concern, and for him to actually say something to me, however roundabout it might have been, was significant.
I still don't know how I'm going to lose the weight, but I know now that I cannot afford to keep dicking around the way I have been.
I have been investigated the laproscopic band, the kind of weight-loss surgery that is reversible, which I find reassuring, and it's slow and steady weight loss, which is good - the last thing I want is to need cosmetic surgery to remove excess skin from my body after losing weight quickly (try going to sleep with that image bouncing around in your head!).
It is similar to what Al Roker had done, except instead of having my intestines rearranged, a small band would be fastened around my stomach and would shrink my stomach down to about the size of a tennis ball, thus limiting the amount of food that I can actually eat and giving me that full sensation much sooner than normal.
If anyone out there has had a lap band installed, or has simply had experience with weight-loss, please feel free to drop me line or leave a comment in the comments section.
Any feedback I can get on this will be greatly appreciated.
I know it's a cliche, but I'd like to see my little girls grow up, although I'm not looking forward to paying for two weddings.
Next time, I promise: funny stuff.
Really.

Take care,
~Rob

Things that I love

2005-05-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the things that I love, in no particular order:

Blowing in my daughters' faces makes both of them grin and laugh, now that their hair is long enough to feel the breeze.
Little Debbie Nutty Bars.
That my wife is so in tune with my mind that I often don't need to complete my sentences, or indeed even speak coherently. On more than one occasion, I have uttered something to the effect of "Get that thing and put it with the other thing," and not only did she understand what I meant, she was halfway to putting the thing with the other thing along side the the stuff and the other. Confused? Welcome to my world.
The fact that no matter what may be fretting my girls, a few words from me and a hug fixes nearly all of their problems. Daddy can fix it, sweetheart - it's what daddies do.
My new van. The thing's a tank, yet it's pretty good on gas, all things considered.
The low gas prices in Texas. I saw $1.99/gallon the other day.
My wife's sense of humor, which often dovetails neatly with my own.
My townhome. True, we're just renting, but it feels a lot better than renting an apartment. That, and one of the rooms has been designated my studio, which I am really jazzed about.
The fact that I get along with all of my in-laws. You often hear horror stories about the mother-in-law or father-in-law from hell, or the brother-in-law who is an idiot and/or shiftless. Nope, don't got none o' that. Now, I may be the idiot brother-in-law to my own BILs, but I doubt it.
Fireworks. My brother-in-law Dave introduced me to the wonder of setting off your own fireworks last summer, which I never did as a kid growing up in Southern California. Really looking forward to July 4th. We're gonna blow stuff up real good.

More to come...

Take care,
~Rob

Testing, testing...is this thing on?

2005-02-21T17:29:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.
Yeah, I know, I've been away QUITE a while. One of the problems inherent in having infant twins is that a lot of things drop by the wayside.
Like this blog, for instance.
I've been debating about whether to keep this blog up or to completely redesign this site and revert it to what it used to be: a showcase of my cartoons, with the occasional blog-like posting. Still undecided about that.
Anyhoos, everyone here in the Chambers household are doing well. The girls are steadily gaining weight, while unfortunately so am I. I got a new job doing closed-captioning using voice-recognition technology, which is not as neat as it sounds - the computer often mixes up the words "the" and "a", among many others. I work from 3:30 till midnight, while Olivia works from 7:00 to 3:30. This basically means that we never get to see each other except for brief moments in the morning and the afternoon and the weekends. The good thing about this is that we are able to keep the girls out of daycare for that much longer, so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
Oh, yeah, I'm going to be an uncle again! My sister is expecting a little girl sometime in the near future. My niece's name? Olivia. Seriously. Unless my sister changes her mind.

Take care,
~Rob

The Heist

2004-08-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

"Is that a siren?"
"Yes! Just move!"
With those words, Ed and I entered a life of crime.

Sort of.

When we were in high school, Ed was a DJ. He had the works--mixer, sound system, and a huge collection of 12-inch LPs (records, for those of you born after 1985). He even had a DJ name-"DJ Quiet Storm"-although, to be honest, the name changed a lot, and he never went by it, anyway.

Mixin' and scratchin'. Movin' and groovin'.

Ed and I listened to a lot of rap back then: Run-DMC, Public Enemy, Kurtis Blow, the World Class Wrecking Crew; Will Smith and L.L. Cool J before they started acting. DJs were (and are) the backbone of any rap act. I don't know if Ed ever wanted to be on stage or anything, but he did want to DJ parties and make a little money.

Hence, the heist.

You see, all those records get unwieldy when you're carrying them. Ed kept most of his in cardboard boxes, but all the "real" DJs kept theirs in milk crates. Ed had been bugging me for weeks to help him "find" a milk crate or two.

I may have given him the idea.

We were coming home after cruising Hollywood and Sunset Boulevards in Ed's Ford Escort (he was driving because I didn't have a car) when Ed says, "I got that gig for that party in Saugus."
"Yeah? Cool."
"Yeah, but I'll need help carrying stuff in."
"You want me to be to be your roadie? Sure!"

We drove on in relative quiet (relative because although we weren't talking, Ed's stereo blared away) for a long while when Ed said, "I wish I had milk crates for my 12-inches."
I had just been fired from a job as a box boy at Ralph's Supermarket, so I said, "Why not just take one? They throw them away, anyway."
Ed hedged a bit, saying, "I don't know, dude."
"How do you think the other DJs get them? Buy them?" (As it turns out, you can buy them, but what did I know? I was 17.)
"Well...."
"Look, it's already 11:30. It's dark out; nobody would see you do it."
Ed seemed to consider this, his stronger moral values (stronger than mine, at any rate) warring with his desire to be professionally outfitted as a DJ.
He caved. "Okay, dude."
Cool! I thought.
"But you've gotta do it, 'cause I'm driving."
"Fine," I said, not thinking at all about things like "the law", and words like "misdemeanor" and "jail bitch."

We pulled up behind the Ralph's near our houses (not the one I was fired from). With an agility unseen before or since, I leapt out of my seat and ran toward the loading dock to snatch the coveted milk crates.

They weren't there.

"Hurry up, dude!" Ed said from behind the wheel, Run-DMC blasting from the stereo. (Stealth? What does that word mean?)
"I'm trying! I don't see any!" I hissed over the music.
Getting more nervous, Ed said, "Just grab a box-any box!"
At that moment, we heard the distinctive sound of a siren. It grew louder, closing fast. We'd been discovered!
I grabbed a small box used to hold cheese and ran into the car-literally. I bashed my knee on the driver side rear bumper.
Limping to the other side of the car, I yanked open the door and lurched into my seat.
"Is that a siren?" Ed asked.
"Yes! Just move!" I hissed, tossing the useless 9"x9" box into the back seat. We tore off down the accessway behind the store, hitting the main street at the siren grew louder and Louder and LOUDER. We braced ourselves for the worst.....as an ambulance raced past.

I looked at Ed; he looked at me.
"Should we go back?" he asked.
"No, let's head home," I said. We drove up the street arguing about whose idea it was and how lucky we were not to get caught and how Ed was never going to listen to any of my idiot ideas again. Of course, he did listen to my idiot ideas again, but that's another story.

It's 2004. I imagine the statute of limitations is up for attempted milk crate theft. At least, I hope so.

Take care,
~Rob

Birthdays and Good Friends

2004-07-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me!

Today, I am 36 years old. Or, I am 432 months old, or 1,872 weeks old, or 13,140 days old. Man, that can either make you feel ancient or make you feel pretty good. I'll take the latter.

You would think that I'd have something profound or pithy to say on my birthday (which I share with fellow blogger Wil Wheaton {see links section}). but I don't have anything to say. For those who know me that should seem odd, as I've always been the guy whom people have a great deal of difficulty in shutting up.

I may not have much to say about my birthday, but I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've been thinking about friends.

I've always been a kind of independent sort, bordering on hermetic. Still, I've managed to meet a few folks that I consider myself close to. You never realize just how much having friends matters until you no longer have any nearby. That, and when you realize that the friends you do have are over 1400 miles away or are at old places of employment, it becomes harder to reconnect with them because you're not a part of their daily lives.

I spoke to a good friend of mine recently, whom I will call by the psuedonym "Ed". Ed and I have known each other for a long time and he's an important part of my life. When I last spoke to him, I could listen between the lines, so to speak. I'm worried for him. It's not that he sounded unhappy or anything, he just sounded ........unfulfilled. As though, for one reason or another, he's gotten stalled in his own life. Since as recently as 4 years ago I was in the same boat, I know how he feels.

I want to help him desperately, but I can't. It's just that having met Olivia and having had the twins, I'm actually very happy in my private life and I want Ed to have that same happiness, if not better. However, I can't give that to him.

Thinking back to when I met Olivia, I remember thinking "Now if Ed meets someone we could couple-date!" Yeah, okay, so that's a little odd sounding too, but it's my dime, folks. The thing is, Ed hasn't found anyone worthy of him and part of me just wants to find a woman for him, sit them both down in the same room and say "Look, you two are perfect for each other: now go on a DATE, dammit!"

Ed's career is also kind of stalled, but I really can't do anything about that. So he needs a new job, new woman, new car (why a new car you ask? Why not a new car??). Fortunately, Ed doesn't need to be a new person: I'm very proud to call him my friend. I just wish that I could do more for him.

That's my birthday wish, mi amigo.

Take care,
~Rob

Cartoon Boy sells out.... sort of

2004-07-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

So, now that I've dished the news about the twins, let me move on to the second life-changing event: I got a new job. After toiling for almost two years in retail hell, I had an interview in late May with Big Mortgage Firm (hereafter referred to as BMF). Now, anyone who knows me no doubt read the above and said to themselves "You? In the Mortgage industry? But you suck at math!" Fortunately, I'm in customer service and have little to do with the actual facts and figures of it all.

I mean, I never wanted to do this for a living, but I'll tell you something right now: I made in two weeks what it would have taken 6 WEEKS to earn at Barnes & Noble. I'm now making more money than I ever have in my life. The bank account looks much healthier and I feel less stress about money. Since I'm doing nothing but talking on the phone to appraisers and typing in their orders, my typing is even getting better. Sort of. That, and I don't have to call 16 year-old kids "sir."

The thing of it is, I'm finding that I have little enthusiasm for a lot of things that I used to enjoy; although I like roleplaying games, I haven't played D&D in months. I ran a sci-fi book group at the bookstore that isn't long for the world. I can't remember the last time I bought a comic book and it's been even longer since I've sat down and drawn anything. That last part hurts a bit, as being a cartoonist/artist is a big part of who and what I am.

I find that I'm caught between earning a living and pursuing my dream. Do you ever get to the point where you wonder if the dreams you had when you were a teenager are still worth it? If they haven't morphed into pipe dreams instead? I know that I'm a good cartoonist, but every idea I have seems to be kind of lackluster. You'll notice that you haven't seen any cartoons here in the recent past. There's a couple of good reasons for this: 1) No scanner to scan comics in with, and 2) I haven't cared enough to create anything. I had come up with the germ of an idea called Nametags that I though I would like doing ,but each time I sat down to draw one of the strips, I felt like I was being dragged to the art table by my ear. It shouldn't be like this. I'm finding that I'm actually enjoying writing this blog. I've even received compliments on it. One person emailed me and said that my entry about my Aunt Jeanie's death was very eloquent.

In short; I'll work the office job in cubicle world and learn how to be a good dad, but the rest of me needs to redefine itself.

Wish me luck.

Take care,
~Rob

After all the tumult

2004-06-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

Wow.

First of all, I want to thank all the people who wrote in with their congratulations - some of whom I didn't even know read the website.

Secondly, here is what happened: Thursday June 17th was my last day at Barnes & Noble and I didn't get out of work until 12:30 AM. After unwinding for about an hour at home, I fell into bed at 1:30 AM.

At 3:00am, I got a call from the hospital, which I hung up on because I thought I had pushed the speakerphone button and didn't hear anyone. Fortunately, Kathy called back and I hit the right button this time and I heard (and I quote) "get down here!"

Did you know that you can make AMAZING time on the freeway at 3:00 in the morning? I sped down the freeway at about 90 mph and got to the hospital at about 3:50 AM. After bursting into the labor and delivery ward, I was so out of breath and pumping with adrenaline that all I could say was "Chambers!" One of the nurses took me to a small room where they kept their scrubs and gave me a set of SMALL scrubs. I don't know if everyone who reads this website has ever seen me, but I'm what you would call a tad overweight. After struggling out of the small scrubs, I gave them back to the nurses who gave me a set of extra large ones. I then half-ran out the door, guided by the nurse.

Rounding a corner, we ran into the anesthesiologist who stopped me and told me that my wife was all right and so were my daughters.

I had missed their birth by five minutes. A slightly bitter voice in the back of my head wants to blame the nurse that gave me the small scrubs and cost me precious time, but that's petty.

Since then, it feels like a month and half since Emma and Nicole were born, when I know that it's been only ten days. There have been ups and downs, but I am so happy they are here. They're my little peanuts - two to a shell.

Take care,
~Rob

Ch-CH-Changes

2004-06-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

At 3:56 and 3: 58 AM on June 18, I became a father for the first time.

Nicole Joan: Born at 3:56 AM. Weight: 2 pounds, 9 ounces
Emma Jacqueline: Born at 3:58 AM. Weight: 2 pounds, 12 ounces

Both Mommy and daughters are doing very well.

More info to come.

Take care,
~Rob

P.S. I forgot to put up a post that I got a new job. Yesterday was my last day at Barnes & Noble. More about this later, too.

San Diego (or, Things can change a lot in 17 years)

2004-06-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been proceeding apace at the Chambers homestead. Olivia's getting bigger, the twins are kicking the heck out of their mommy, and I had a job interview with a mortgage lender last week that went very well. For anyone who knows me, that should inspire at least a few chuckles: "You? But you SUCK at math!" I know, I know. The thing is, if I can get this job, I'll actually feel like a grown up and be able to contribute in a more tangible way to our little burgeoning family. It's amazing how quickly things change in such a short time. About this time 17 years ago, I was being told how I stink and would never work in comics.

Let's set the way-back machine for 1987. I had just graduated from high school the year before and I, my friend Jeremy and a friend of his whose name I can't remember had taken the Amtrak from LA down to San Diego for the San Diego Comic Convention, one of the largest comics conventions in the country. At the time, I was trying to break into comic books (although now I can look back and say that I was only doing it half-heartedly), and I had brought 6 samples to show.

Now, for the uninitiated, the San Diego Comic Con is also a trade show of sorts, a means for aspiring cartoonists to show their work to publisher's reps and (if you're lucky) get some work. I took my samples to two booths, both smaller comics publishers, as I didn't have the courage to go to the DC or Marvel Comics booths.

The first one was for Comics Interview Press, which put out a magazine called (surprise!) Comics Interview. It also put out a superhero comic called The Southern Knights which was a title I collected. I got some favorable response from them, including a request to see me draw their characters.

Then there was Eclipse Comics and Cat Yronwode.

Ms.Yronwode was the Editor-in-Chief of Eclipse, which at the time was one of the bigger independent publishers and was primarily responsible for bringing the Japanese manga titles Mai the Psychic Girl, Xenon, and Lone Wolf and Cub to America. She was also a sponsor of a APA (amateur press association) that I belonged to called YHAPA, who counted among its alumni Rob Liefeld (a.k.a. the Art Adams wannabe), so I thought that Yronwode would be receptive to my work - heck, if she'd read any of the copies of the APA books we sent her, she'd seen my work.

Yikes. I had never had a more thorough butt-reaming in all my life!

After looking at my work for a grand total of 1 minute, she looked at me and said "Is this supposed to be a tree? I'm not an artist and I can draw a better tree than that! Where the hell did you learn proportion?! Did you draw this with the pencil clutched in your fist?! Jeeezuz, learn how to use perspective! and this is wrong, and this, and this.......etc. etc. etc."

Now, one could look back and think that this discouraged me from ever doing anything in comics ever again. Nope. I got pissed off and drew more and denied Eclipse the honor of seeing my work. I eventually realized that I liked making people laugh more than I did drawing pictures of people flying through the air and benchpressing Volkswagens, so that's what I decided to do. A natural evolution, as it were.

Like I said, a lot can change in 17 years. By the way, Eclipse went belly up in 1994.

Okay, I'm done. Talk to you all later! :)

~Rob

Employment and other necessary evils

2004-05-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

Okay.

I know that this paints me as an ungrateful so-and-so who should be lucky to have any job at all, but I really hate my current job. Right now, I work for Barnes & Noble and things... aren't great. They aren't bad necessarily, but face facts, folks: how many of you, when asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, said "I want to work in a bookstore for $8.00 an hour and be treated poorly by customers and management alike"?

Me neither. I wanted (and still do) to be a cartoonist.

The thing is, bookstores are one of my favorite places to hang out - I go to bookstores on my days off. I guess it's a case of looking behind the curtain and seeing the Wizard of Oz for the con artist he is; now that I know how life is on the other side of the cash register, the whole enterprise has lost its luster. As much as I love bookstores, I'd rather be a customer in them, not an unthanked peon. Which leads me to my little dilemma.

Have you ever heard the phrase "Jack of all trades, master of none"? I'm kind of like that, except I'm more of a "Jack of about two or three trades, master of none." I want to find a job that can help support my family, but all I find are more customer service related jobs that I don't want to go anywhere near.

I have a Bachelors degree in Illustration and am a struggling cartoonist. I've been drawing since I was five years old and I've won some minor awards for my work while an intern at a small daily newspaper in Southern California. That's my first strike against me. Most employers see "cartoonist" or "degree in Art" on my resume' and tend to not take me seriously. This is not just me assuming this; I've been told this off the record. In fact, in the middle of a job interview, the interviewer suggested that if I wanted to make "extra money" that I could go to work in the mall and draw people's caricatures. That was my first sign that I wasn't going to get that job. ;)

My second strike against me is that I have 12 years of experience in the hospitality industry. Yes, I consider this a strike against me. Essentially, I was the night manager for a Days Inn in the middle of nowhere near the foot of California's High Desert. It was my college job and I put myself through school (no financial aid), which is why it took so long. I then stayed at my college job for four more years. I never ever ever EVER want to work in hospitality or customer service again, yet the only jobs I seem qualified for are in those industries.

I'm a little vexed by all this, as you may see. What's my point? Where am I going with all of this? To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. I just felt that I had to get this all off of my chest, that I needed to vent.

Thanks for letting me bend your ears, folks. Less self-indulgent whining next time, I promise :)

Take care,
~Rob

I'll never be called Robby again.

2004-05-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

My Aunt Jeanie died today.

Many of you who check this website didn't know her, but she was a profound influence on my life, and on my family's lives. She wasn't a blood relation to me; she was a friend of my parents that has known me since before I was born. In my mind and heart, she was (and is) my aunt. She was family.

I got the call at about 10:00am Central time. Aunt Jeanie had suffered a heart attack and died at 6:00am PST. In the past few weeks, my Aunt Jeanie had found herself a "gentleman friend" and according to my mom, was happy. I'm glad for that.

I always looked forward to our visits to her home in Carson City, Nevada for a couple of reasons. First, because of my cool 'cousin' Dawn, who had a comic book collection that I always wanted to pour through, even though they were the same comics each time. Dawn thought they were neat, thus so did I. Second, because my Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Murph lived on a plot of land that my sisters and I used to wander through looking for Indian Arrowheads. Third, it was a home away from home and a place of stability, as my family moved around a lot when I was a kid (my father worked for United Airlines and got transferred from airport to airport until he built up enough seniority to stay put). Wherever we moved to, Aunt Jeanie's House was always there. True, the house had that peculiar odor that develops when the occupant chain smokes, but I loved the place anyway.

Aunt Jeanie also checked this website. A lot. I mean, a lot. When I mentioned that I had to take my website down because my monitor at the time stopped displaying the red portion of the spectrum, she sent me a new monitor, larger than my previous one, with a note that read something to the effect of "Consider this 10 year's worth of missed birthday presents." She didn't have to do it, I didn't ask her to do it, she just did it.

She was also the only person on the face of the earth allowed to call me Robby. When I was a piece-of-crap teenager, I asked her to stop calling me that, that my name was Robert. She did, but in later years, I felt as though I had taken something from her. About 10 years ago, I told her she could call me Robby again, but the damage had been done.

My Aunt Jeanie also had an offbeat sensibility that I think helped mold my own perceptions of the world. She had a great sense of humor and was fiercely loyal. She was my Aunt Jeanie and I loved her very much. Still do.

If you love someone and you haven't told them, do so today. Don't hint at it, or figure "well, they know" or think that your actions alone should be enough. They may not know, or may not be certain. Don't take that chance.

Take care,
~Rob

Customers from Heck

2004-05-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine told me about this website called CustomersSuck.Com and I decided that I'd post one of my stories from my job at it. Lo and behold, they did not deign to grace their pages with my somewhat funny story, so here it is in all its glory. Enjoy :)

I work for a large chain book retailer in one of their stores in Texas. Close to closing time, I had a customer come up to the front, drop his books on the counter (2 bibles and a Christian Inspiration book), grunt at me, then look around while I rang him up. Now, for those who don't know much about Texas ( I didn't before I moved here) this guy was (and still is) an Aggie. An Aggie is someone who attended Texas A&M University and Aggies have an undeserved reputation for not being overly blessed with common sense - to put it mildly. This guy had his A&M ring on and had the A&M logo printed all over his checks.

Anyway, Mr. Aggie looks around then blinks when an idea hits his frontal lobe:

"Y'all ever get any authors in here?"

I informed him that we occasionally had local authors do signings and similar events.

Mr. Aggie grunts and then asks "How about people like Max Lucado or C.S. Lewis?"

I then had to inform Mr. Aggie that C.S. Lewis is dead.

The man blinked for probably a full minute before saying "Oh yeah, I guess you're right." It's like it took that long for the hamster in his skull to get back onto its exercise wheel and get his brain cranking along again!

Besides, Lewis was British - he would have been a tough pull even if he were still alive! ;)

Ta Dah!
Take care,
~Rob

Pretty Freakin' Cool

2004-04-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

Been a little while, so here are a few morsels to tide you over until I put up a big blog posting:
1) The twins are doing just fine. We now know (with 98% certainty) that they are IDENTICAL GIRLS. Names have been decided on, but will be a surprise for our families. For now, Olivia hit upon the nicknames "Cricket" and "Ladybug". Which is kind of cute and touching, since "Cricket" is what my grandfather used to call my sister.
2) Olivia and I are moving.... a grand total of about 600 feet. We're staying in the same apartment complex, just moving from a second floor apartment with loft to a ground floor two bedroom. A little smaller, but it's cheaper rent, and will be cheaper to heat/cool since we won't a huge freakin' cathedral ceiling to worry about. That, and I am not toting twins (and their stuff) or a very pregnant wife up and down stairs.
3) Had a brush with Internet fame. Wil Wheaton (see link in the Links listing to the left of this entry) just released a collection of stories called Dancing Barefoot. I chose DB as my "Staff Recommendation" for the month of April and decided to email Wil and let him know that, in my own meager way, I've got his back. I received the following in my inbox the next day:

Hey Rob,
Thank you so much!! Employee recommendations are a HUGE boost, not only to sales, but to my book's legitimacy and visibility.
I am deeply grateful that you helped me out.
Sincerely,
Wil

Pretty cool, huh? Rock on, Wil.

Take care,
~Rob

Sunny California

2004-04-03T10:43:00.000-08:00

As I write this, I am sitting in what used to be my childhood room in Southern California, which has now been transformed into a den/computer room for my parents. I'm in the middle of a five day trip visiting my folks, my sisters, and the friends I had to leave behind when I moved to Texas. No real reason for the visit other than the fact that I only get to see my parents once a year (around the holidays) and that kinda sucks. That, and I just missed everyone.

One thing I don't miss though are the gas prices! Holy Crap! $2.23 a gallon??!! That's enough to make your average Los Angelino think seriously about carpooling or *shudder* taking the Metrolink train to work!

Seriously, though, one thing I have learned on this trip is that I've matured a bit. I no longer feel like I've abandoned my family by moving to Texas. I know that isn't very rational to think that way, but sometimes when I'm alone and it's quiet, that thought crosses my mind. Not often, but more than a couple of times. I worry about my family and how they are doing, despite the fact that I talk to my parents on the phone at least once a week. This trip has taught me that everyone is fine and that I don't need to be here all the time, that they'll be okay. True, thinking like this is also indicative of an over-inflated sense of importance, but that's beside the point.

I've also learned that I'm more comfortable in Texas than I thought I was. Didn't realize that before, but seeing my hometown growing and changing into a place that only superficially resembles the town I grew up in has helped me see that Dallas seems a little more like home now.

I think I'm finally starting to grow up. I'm just a late bloomer, that's all.

Take care,
~Rob

Apparently, I will enchant your world?

2004-03-29T20:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, I confess, I get a little self-centered from time to time. I went to the Google search page and typed in "Who is Rob Chambers?" and got back a ton of responses. Made me feel good to know that the very first response was my website itself. Then I came across this little gem.

Rob Chambers will enchant your world.

As near as I can figure, this is some touchy-feely New Age kind of site that wants everyone to love each other, which is fine, I'm all for it. The thing is, on the exact same page are links to "Burps", "Farts", and "Sex", so it's not as high-brow and lofty as its copy claims.

Just goes to show, there are lot of weird sites out there, folks.

Take care,

Rob

Rob's Ten Commandments of Retail Conduct

2004-03-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,
I realized something the other day, something that I guess just didn't gel in my mind until now: a lot of people in this country have never worked in the customer service industry. I am firmly of the opinion that every person in America should be required to work at least 1 year in some sort of customer service occupation, so as to engender understanding and empathy for those whose job it is to wait upon others. Since that is somewhat unrealistic, I decided that the next best thing was to make a list of things to keep in mind when visiting any retail establishment. Some are humorous, some aren't, but all are valid, I think.
Before you begin reading, yes I know that there are many things that folks on my side of the counter should do as well, but that list will come at a later time. It's my dime, I'm venting.

Rob's Ten Commandments of Retail Conduct

1) Thou shalt get off of thy cellphone whilst being waited upon by me, lest I raise my voice to a level high enough to drown out your conversation;
2) Thou shalt make eye contact and at least pretend to be a pleasant human being whilst being waited upon by me - grunting "yes" or "no" do not a conversation make;
3) Thou shalt not buy a 50¢ newspaper, whip out a $100 bill and say "Sorry, all I have are hundreds." Thou shalt not find pity for thy rich arrogant ass here;
4) Thou shalt not tell me that X Store across the street and/or X website is selling the same book for 50% less, as I truly don't care;
5) Thou shalt not place crying, fussing children to sit upon my counter and expect me to watch them while you root through your purse/pockets looking for your cellphone (see Commandment #1)
6) Thou shalt not covet my job; ye know not of what ye speak (i.e. "Gee, I think it'd be great to work in a bookstore!");
7) Observe well the last hour of store operation and vacate the premises quickly - we want go home also;
8) Thou shalt remember to bathe at least once per day so as not to inflict thy bodily aroma upon others, such as myself (SPECIAL SUBNOTE TO WOMEN: Use a mirror when applying makeup, as misapplied makeup may well incur involuntary laughter in those around you);
9) Threaten not to never shop here again; with that attitude, thy business is not welcome anyway;
10) Just because I wear a nametag does not mean that I am not a person just like you. A sense of humor and compassion is most appreciated.

Take care,
~Rob

The New Toy

2004-02-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

AH HA HA HA HAH !I HAVE A NEW COMPUTER!!!!

*whew*!

Sorry for the shouting, but it's been a long time since I've had a new computer. Almost ten years, actually. My wife and I are now the proud owners of a brand-new eMac, which makes my old Macintosh Performa look like a rusty slide rule in comparison. This thing is Soooooo cool.

That's all I really had to say. Talk to you all later - I gotta go play Unreal Tournament!

Take care,
~Rob

An Unintended Vacation - (WARNING: Rambling blog entry!!!)

2004-02-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

Well, it's 11:20 pm as I write this and my wife is sound asleep, while I have insomnia - however, it's still early, so maybe I don't. All I know is I'm wide awake and thought I'd post to the good ol' blog.

This was the first of four days in a row that I had scheduled off from work. Originally, it was going to be my "Let's go to Vegas" time for me and my best friend. Mind you, this is when there was no baby on the horizon, let alone two. Then it became the "Come on out to Dallas and visit" time for when I thought that he'd be able to come out here instead. Finances and the real world intruded and now I have almost a week off to fill.

The trick is filling that time constructively. I mean, I'm all for leisure - just ask my wife and my parents. I can waste all sorts of time, mostly through the use of a wonderful time-waster known as the Playstation 2. What I need to do is to arrange it so that the Playstation isn't as much of a temptation for me so that I can get some good solid work done on Nametags.

For those of you who are new to the blog or don't remember me blathering on about it, Nametags is a comic strip that I am trying to put together after several false starts and a lack of enthusiasm for repackaging my college strip, Brain Fever, for syndication. You'd think the prospect of having twins in just over six months would light a fire under my butt to get this done, and it is - but only a little bit.

I have, however, made some headway in the battle for syndication. I have managed to write several scripts for the strip, which is set in an unidentified store and centered around both the customers and the people who work there. This is not as great a deal as you might imagine. If there are any cartoonists out there reading this, you know that I am essentially just dipping my pinkie toe in the pool and wiggling it around in there. Jumping into the deep end is still a ways off.

I am now beginning to realize, after several years of trying to create a comic strip, that it is hard work. I know this shouldn't have come as a surprise, but it did. I heard all the warnings from friends, teachers, and many other people that it's very difficult getting work as a cartoonist of any ilk, but I thought to myself , "Yeah, but they're talking about other people, not me! I'm special! I'm talented! My mother tells me so..." You get the idea. I'm not proud of thinking like that, but there it is.

The only people who I think have it tougher than cartoonists are poets. Man, I don't have the stamina to be a poet! I'm having a tough enough time making up cartoons, which is what I'm going to do my level best to do tomorrow - provided I remember to throw the PS2 in the trash.

Take care,
~Rob

I can't keep doing this.... I think

2004-02-07T22:58:00.000-08:00

You ever get stuck in a rut? You just keep doing something just because it seemed like a good idea at the time and then you blink and - BAM - a year and a half has gone by? That's kind of how I've been feeling. I started working at Barnes & Noble when Olivia and I moved to Dallas because:
A) I didn't have a job waiting for me when I got out here,
B) I had a great deal of difficulty finding a decent job initially, and
C) I needed to be doing SOMETHING.
I can't keep doing this job anymore. People treat you like crap 50% of the time (or at least treat you like you're of sub-standard intelligence), the pay sucks (I finally got my W2 the other day - it made me almost want to cry), and hte hours are horrid. It's almost 1:00 AM as I write this and I am still wide-awake because I just got off work an hour ago. If I'm lucky, I'll have wound down enough to get to sleep by 2:00.
Ehhhhh.
Now, the really cool part about this past week is that on Wednesday, I got to see my babies for the first time when I went to Olivia's sonogram appointment.
Oh. My. God.
I can't sum it up any better than that; I was on Cloud 9 for the rest of the day and was showing the ultrasound printout to people at the slightest provocation. What can I say, it was a very moving day for me: I got to see my babies move their arms and legs. Made me cry, I'm not ashamed to admit.
That'll do it for me. Talk to you all later!
Take care,
Rob

Beginnings and endings

2004-01-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I last posted a blog entry. Sorry about that, but the last few weeks - hell, the last month - have been .... eventful, to say the least.

We'll dispense with the bad news first. I had a funeral to go to yesterday - my sister-in-law's brother passed away. What really moved me was seeing how many people he had touched. He was disabled and was active in the disabled (or differently-abled, however you like) community in Dallas. That church was packed. I was glad that my wife and I were able to be there for the family; even though strictly speaking they aren't actually related to us, I now feel like they are family, the kind that you choose for yourself, if that makes any sense.

Now then, the good news. I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!!

On New Year's Eve, Olivia and I came home from seeing Mona Lisa Smile (ugh) and about ten minutes later, we found out that we were pregnant. There was much giggling and exchanged looks of "Wow!" and "What the heck did we just do?!"

But wait, there's more.

Recently, Olivia was out with one of her girlfriends and noticed some spotting that shouldn't have been there. They hightailed it to the hospital and they determined that everything was okay, but that they would do an ultrasound just to be safe. According to my wife, the technician got really quiet and then asked "Ummm, do twins run in your family?" Olivia said "Yes, on my husband's side." (I have a great-grandfather somewhere that was a twin). The tech then said "Well guess what!"

So. Twins. Yep.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! What the hell am I going to do!!!???

Just kidding, I think it's great, but man, is it going to be a challenge. I had just wrapped my mind around the idea of being a father of ONE baby, then we got this bombshell. Yikes! I really am happy, don't get me wrong, I'm still just a little overwhelmed and not really sure how I'm going to proceed. What I do know is that I need to get my career back in gear. First step in that: getting my samples up on the website because, as much as I know you folks might like my little journal entries, the site is for "Rob Chambers, CARTOONIST", not "Rob Chambers, online diarist."

Once again in case you missed it: TWINS!

Take care,
~Rob

Stuff, news and whatnot.

2004-01-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I posted to the ol' blog, so here goes! Actually, a few interesting developments to speak of: I met with the head of a pre-press and advertising company about a week ago, having been introduced by a associate from church (yes, I actually am going to church regularly. Who'd have thought - me, Mr. Irreverent?). It was primarily a networking meeting, establishing contacts and all that. It was nice to take my portfolio in and be taken seriously - I'm not used to that. The lady I met with told me she'd put me in touch with a few people, but so far I haven't heard back from her. If I haven't heard from her by Thursday, I'll call and remind her. Squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that.
I also found out about a job opening (actually, a job hiring fair) at a new resort near to my house called The Gaylord Texan. It's being built by the same company that owns Gaylord Opryland. Due to start on the 21st, they'l be hiring for almost all "front of house" positions. FYI, "front of house" means all the people you see when you check into a hotel or eat at a restaurant. "Back of house" means people like engineers, cooks, office staff, etc. I figure, with 13 years experience in hospitality management, I would be a fool not to take advantage of anything that earns me more money while I get the cartooning going on the side. I would really love a back of house job, though - I'm tired of putting on a fake smile every day and calling 16 year old kids "sir". That, and I just like to be working in a nice, quiet office with clearly delineated goals each day. I'm funny that way :)
Other than that, not much else going on. Gotta go, got to go sling books to the masses!

Take care,
~Rob

Clearer Sailing

2004-01-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

You ever feel like you're about 10 years or so behind the rest of the class? I've always felt that way. It started shortly after high school. I didn't receive any decent advice from my school counselor, so I only applied to one college, which I didn't get into. I didn't fully start working on my Bachelor's degree until I was well into my mid-to-late twenties (including a two year long misguided attempt at stand-up comedy.) I didn't meet the woman of my dreams until my early thirties. Now it's a new year, 2004, and I'll be finishing the training I need to get into graphic design for publishing. If I'm lucky and the school that I'm getting my Computer Graphics Specialist certificate from allows me to test out of having to take Drawing 1 again. I would imagine having a degree in Illustration would allow me to do that. I start the Spring semester a week from next Tuesday (1/13/04.)

I really want to get into magazine or newspaper publishing - I would LOVE to be working for a newspaper like the Dallas Morning News or, failing that, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. I'm hopeful that I can find work at this.

I really feel that 2004 is going to be a turnaround year for a lot of people, including me. Maybe it's the fact that it's a leap year and an Olympic year that is making me feel this way, but I really feel like I and pretty much everyone I know has worked their respective ways through a fog of struggle and that now it promises to be clearer sailing. That's my hope for the new year. Clearer sailing.... and a new computer one of these days :)

Good luck to all who read this, and take care,

~Rob

The Holiday Aftermath!

2003-12-29T08:13:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a great Christmas (or Channukah or Kwaanza, or whatever you celebrate). Mine was pretty much spent in a car, but was still pretty good for all that. Some highlights:

The drive through West Texas was lovely, in the same sense that professional dental cleaning is lovely. Mind-numbingly boring, in other words.

Had Olivia's grandmom's famous chicken-fried steaks. Mm-mm GOOD!

Got to play with my 4 month old baby nephew, who has decided that he really likes my beard, especially to cling to with all his baby might until we could get someone to pry him loose.

Sat in on my first (and hopefully only) Baptist Christmas service. Maybe it's just me, but I really don't think that a Christmas service sermon is the time or the place for politics. The guy started in on "the tragedy" of the Ten Commandments being removed from courtrooms and government facilities where they were on very public display. HELLO, it's called "separation of Church and State"??!!

I learned that sometimes I don't show the best judgement in the world: my brother-in-law pointed out to me, during that same Christmas service that he didn't "mind talking religion with you, but not in a room full of Baptists!"

I also discovered that Baptists have a ton of money to fling around - the church we went to had it's own movie theater and bowling alley.

Olivia's eyes lit up and she was smiling ear to ear when she opened her main present from me: an electronic keyboard, something she'd been wanting for a while now. Man, that made the whole trip worthwhile for me.

Got to meet Olivia's cousin the next day in Kileen, home of Fort Hood. The folks out there really support their troops: many signs outside of fast-food restaurants and stores read "Our Boys Got Him! Way To Go Soldiers!" One of those soldiers was Olivia's cousin's husband, who just got back from Iraq on leave and arrived in Dallas today. This would be the first time she's seen him in nine months. They were keeping it a secret from their kids so as to be a belated Christmas surprise. Tomorrow, they'll drive down to her mother's house back in Kileen (where the kids have been staying) and say "look what Santa just dropped off!" Could not think of a sweeter holiday gift.

Olivia also made me a Christmas present that actually brought tears to my eyes: a scrapbook made up of all my baby pictures, along with pictures of the rest of my family. When I saw all the pictures of my sisters when they were little, I couldn't stop tearing up. I'm a softie.

Overall, we had a good time. Next year, it's Christmas in California with my folks, which I'm really looking forward to. My in-laws were great and everything, but sometimes, a guy just misses his mom.

New Year's Resolutions? Here's mine:
1) To start getting myself back into shape;
2) To find a new job where I don't have to wear a nametag;
3) Really begin work on "Nametags", my nascent comic strip;
and 4) Finally get my art back up on the web.

Happy New Year, everybody!

Take care,
~Rob

Happy Holidays, folks!

2003-12-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

Shoppers are jockeying for position at the check-out and people are getting ruder by the day, so that means that Christmas can't be far behind. I wish this time of year only brought out the best in people, instead of equal parts good and bad. For every act of charity and kindness that is made, another person is cut off in traffic by some imbecile on their cellphone getting the latest hockey scores instead of paying attention to their driving. If it weren't for the fact that I don't like to put anything on my car, I'd make up a bumper sticker that reads "You're not driving a phone booth! GET OFF YOUR DAMNED CELLPHONE!!"

Not that I'm bitter, or anything.

Okay, now that I have that little bit of emotional venting out of the way, let's look at the good side of this season. It does make people a little more prone to smile and value their families. These are usually the people who have finished their Christmas shopping, but what I think is lost in all this is that Christmas isn't about getting that nice new iMac (BTW, I do still want it:) or whatever is on your list. It isn't about some guy flying about the sky in a sleigh. I don't normally get preachy, so I'll leave it at this: Christmas is where we give thanks to God for sending us his only son to teach us and ultimately save us.

That ought to do it for me. I'm off for my last day of work this week - tomorrow Olivia and I head off into the west to visit her side of the family for Christmas. Should be fun. In the meantime, Happy Holidays (whichever holiday you celebrate) and I'll talk to you soon!

Merry Christmas,
~Rob

A brief word from our sponsor...

2003-12-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

Now that I look back at my old attempt at writing a humor book, I begin to think that it's not all it should be. I think it's because it's been over a year since I even touched this material and I'm a different person now. Maybe it's just that I'm stressed out because of my job and the holidays, which go hand-in-hand. Maybe it's that the material just isn't as funny as I thought it was - although I still love the "might make manager someday if I can keep out of jail" line.

This has been a week from Hell. I am firmly of the opinion that everybody in America needs to work in customer service for a minimum of 3 - 6 months. This would give everyone some much needed perspective, which a lot of the people I've been waiting on this week seem to lack. I know it's the holidays, and that no one really likes going Christmas shopping, but Dear Lord, I haven't seen this many (pardon my French) arrogant, self-important, demanding, inconsiderate and unreasonable assholes in my life! (my mother-in-law, who reads this site pretty regularly, probably gasped at that last comment.)

Like I said, it's been a tough week. I've gotta get out of this job soon, or I'm going to go nuts.

I feel a little better after venting that emotional energy. Besides, I do have my Christmas shopping done and I have the Christmas holiday weekend to look forward to. That, and a loving wife, and everything will be fine eventually.

Take care,
~Rob

Bachelor! continued....

2003-12-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

Continuing our sneak peek from last time.....

"Bachelor! How to stay Single for the rest of your natural life - or even longer!" by Rob Chambers

4.Start your own militia.
Have you had enough of the Feds and your girlfriend? Kill two birds with one stone and start "The People's Resistance for the Sovereign State of Willowborough, Kansas", or "The New Republic of Arnold." Your girlfriend will be gone before you can say 'treason', and you'll have the undivided attention of hundreds of FBI agents!

5.Dress yourself in clothing purchased in 'discount stores'.
Fine establishments such as K-Mart, Wal-Mart and Walgreen's have large selections of leisure apparel available, as well as some of the best damn tee shirts in the world, most with phrases emblazoned on them such as "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" and "You want it WHEN?!." For extra credit, you could also wear shirts bought in mini-marts or gas stations that have the name of the state you happen to be buying it in splashed across the front in bright orange neon lettering, usually with a picture of a bird or ski boat under it ( ex. CALIFORNIA!!!! [picture of dolphin leaping out of ocean]).

6. Become a conspiracy theorist.
X-Files? Art Bell? Pah! AMATEURS! You know that the government has been lying to you and hunting you because only YOU know the truth, the truth that they're willing to cover up by any means necessary, and would your sweetums mind putting you up in her basement for a few days until the black helicopters stop hovering over your house? Besides, you did ever see an episode of that show that had Fox Mulder out on a date? I rest my case.

7. Talk a lot about the past problems you've had with women.
There's nothing a woman hates more than to find out that a guy she's thinking about seeing has a TON of emotional baggage from their previous relationships. Emphasize any possible latent lesbians who were involved with you and, after leaving you, discovered their true orientation. Example: George Costanza from Seinfeld.

8.Work a dead-end job.
There's nothing like showing up for a date smelling like the grease trap at KFC to keep the women away. This also comes in handy for pity at class reunions:
Annoying Former Classmate: "So, after I got my second master's degree from Harvard and studied abroad, I went to work for the Brand Corporation and I'm currently working on the cure for AIDS. What have you been up to all these years?"
You: "Ummm, well, I'm second shift supervisor at Hot Dog on a Stick, which means I don't gotta wear that little hat they make the other employees wear. Might make manager someday if I can keep out of jail...."

to be continued...

Bachelor!!

2003-12-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

About three years ago (read: before I met Olivia), I started writing a book that would poke fun at all the various touchy-feely relationship books that were out there. I worked on it for quite a while, and then it just sat there, unfinished. I decided that it should see the light of day somehow. So, with no further ado, here is my attempt to "help" out all those guys out there trying to slog through their relationships - the introduction to it at any rate. I'll post more of it over time. Let me know what you think, and enjoy.

~Rob

Bachelor!
101 ways to stay single for the rest of your natural life - or even longer!
By Rob Chambers

Introduction

If you picked this book up in your local bookstore/swap meet, you are like me: a decent enough guy, good to his mother, fairly normal, except for one crucial difference. You are single and can't do a damn thing to change the situation no matter what you try. The point of this book is simple: WHY EVEN TRY? Why even try to start a relationship with a woman (or man?) when it is so time consuming and will ultimately lead to:

Sounds pretty bleak, huh? My point is, all of this (except the old age part) can be avoided by one simple life-decision - STAY SINGLE! You gain so much by doing so very little. Without the constant nagging of a 'significant other', your time will be freed up to all sorts of possibilities. Travel the world, learn a new language, conduct research on the many microbreweries crisscrossing this fine country of ours - the options are endless!

It occurs to me that many techniques exist to render you single already. These include but are not limited to: addictions, impotency, or mental problems. The use of these techniques indicates a lack of imagination. With the little tidbits of wisdom contained in this book, you'll be able to stay single and have the health and financial wherewithal to enjoy it!

If you are still reading this and have not put it back on the shelf to flip through the first few pages of the latest magnum opus by Crichton, King, et al, congratulations (and buy the book already, willya?)! This book will contain many helpful hints, pointers and tips for maintaining your independence for as long as you want. Without further ado, here are 101 of the painstakingly gathered methods for becoming a lonely, miserable wreck of a man (or woman) that I've discovered. I hope you have as much fun using them as I had prying the info out of the poor wretches at Star Trek conventions and truck stops around the country. Enjoy!

NOTE: Do not attempt to read this book from cover to cover! The knowledge contained herein is far too potent to be taken in at one sitting. Your brain may very well hemorrhage, or you may actually transcend Bachelor status and approach the state of existence known as "Creepy", where everyone leaves you alone. For the love of God, only try to read a few portions at a time! You have been warned.

1. Shave irregularly and engage in poor personal hygiene.
Nothing says "Stay the hell away from me" like a man who doesn't seem to understand how to use a razor or soap effectively.

2. Maintain the same hairstyle that you had when you were nine years old.
Mom's apron-strings must be pretty tight if you haven't tried to change your hairstyle at least once.

3. Own an unusual pet and obsess over it.
This one takes a little while, as having a pet is usually seen as a sign of stability and responsibility, but it is guaranteed to render you single for a long time - at least as long as the pet is alive. Any strange or non-traditional pet will do: iguana, boa constrictor, talking parrot, hermit crab, whatever. The key is to become obsessed with the pet. Take it with you driving, dress it up in clothes made just for it, ask it what it wants to watch on TV, cry out its name during sex, whatever it takes. Any self-respecting woman will be headed for the hills within 2 weeks, tops.

to be continued......

Guilty Pleasures, or: cheerleader chooses quarterback, leaves band geek in the dust.

2003-12-10T11:36:00.003-08:00

Okay, maybe this paints me as being a little less intellectual than I might appear, but I watch reality TV shows. Not a lot of them, but enough to think that maybe I shouldn't get so wrapped up in other people's lives. Maybe. Whatever. They're what I like to call "brain twinkies" - a lot of fun, but afterwards, you don't really get much out of them.(i.e. like a Twinkie: tastes good, but of almost no nutritional value.)

On NBC last Monday was a show called Average Joe. It was the series finale and I had been following it since the series started. For those of you who only watch PBS and find most television to be pap, here's the premise: a very attractive woman named Malena (a former Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader) is taken to a Palm Springs mansion and is told that she will have several men to choose from. The catch was that the guys she'd have to choose from were 'average' - underweight, overweight, average looks, etc., etc., you get the idea. Over time she eliminated many of the guys and brought the total from over 12 down to three. At that point, the show brought in three other guys who were all what I (and many other bitter average guys) like to call "prettyboys."

Long story short, Malena had narrowed her selection down to two - a 26 year-old prettyboy student/waiter named Jason who lives with his mother in Irvine, CA; and Adam, an 'average joe' who is a millionaire day trader in New York who had a great sense of humor and with whom Malena seemed to be smitten.

Wait, don't get ahead of me, here's the kicker: She chose the prettyboy. I know that shocks you, but that's life. The quarterback gets the girl, while the broken-hearted band geek puts away his sousaphone and sets about building Microsoft. Revenge goes to the band geek.

I don't know exactly what is was that pissed me off about this show. Maybe it was that I identified a little too strongly with Adam (except for the millionaire part, curse my luck:) ) Then again, maybe it was a good thing, says Olivia: she probably would have spent all of Adam's money, having already said in a previous episode that she was the poster child for financial mismanagement.

Anyway, Adam, wherever you are, I've got your back.

~Rob

I'm lucky.

2003-12-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

You ever have one of those moments of sudden insight where, once it hits, you wonder why it didn't occur to you earlier? I had one of those today. I found another reason why I love my wife so much: she is just like a little kid when it comes to Chirstmas. That's hard to come by, when more than a few adults I know view the holidays as just another way for the stores to get at their wallet. Olivia has never, to my knowledge, even thought that. We were decorating the apartment today (read: I watched her decorate and offered suggestions) and there is this kind of child-like glee in her eyes while she's doing it, as though there is nothing else she'd rather be doing.

What can I say? I love her.

~Rob

P.S. The fact that she's really cute is just an added bonus.:)

Rambling on about Turkeys, Old Friends, and Smog

2003-12-03T10:53:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm more awake and have had more coffee, here's a more coherent version of my visit with the folks in LA:

Arrived in LA just in time for Thanksgiving dinner. Can't beat that with a stick. Turkey and cranberry jelly . Mm-Mm-Good.
Found out that my brother-in-law has nipple piercings. Yikes. Not for me, man.
The town I grew up in is growing like a weed, and not in a good way. If there is any green area, it's very well hidden from view.
Found out that overall, I'm not doing all that bad. How do I know this? Olivia and I went to the drugstore to develop some film while we were visiting and there was this guy in line off to the side of us with, it turned out, his mother. This was a guy named Cal with whom I'd gone to elementary school and junior high school. When I introduced myself to him and asked if he recognized me, the light bulb over his head took a long time to warm up, if you know what I mean. Now, I know it's been decades, but he eventually put two and two together. The thing is, when I asked him how he was doing and what he was up to, he was very vague. "Umm, okay" was the response I received when I asked him what he was doing (i.e. what do you do for a living?). Now, Cal was always the big dumb one in my group of friends. Very likeable, but someone who needed to be watched out for. Looks like he didn't get too far after high school. I felt bad for him, but I also was hit with a shudder of insight: if not for meeting Olivia, that might have been me. Minus the big and dumb part.
Another thing I don't miss about Los Angeles: SMOG. After the third day there I could feel my chest getting tight with all the pollutants I had to breathe.
Rewind to about 11:45 last night: Olivia and I are just getting out of the baggage claim and are getting a taxi. Found out that it's much cheaper to get a cab coming into the airport than it is to get a cab coming from the airport. Looks like it's some sort of city ordinance. On the cab ride home, the driver apologized to us several times about the fare and that it wasn't his fault and that he was going in for "the cancer surgery tomorrow so I no work anymore." At this last bit of news, Olivia and I both looked at each other with a look that said "Geez, what the hell is he doing working tonight?! I hope he stays alive long enough to get us to our apartment!"

That ought to do it for now. Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

~Rob

The Turkey Day Aftermath

2003-12-02T22:35:00.000-08:00

As I type this, it is about 12:30 in the morning and I've just arrived home from visiting my parents in Los Angeles over the Thanksgiving weekend. Some random thoughts before I go to bed and collapse:

• My brother-in-law Rob (yes, my sister married a guy named Rob. It gets confusing sometimes) showed me this site,Despair.Com. If you've ever seen those posters in the lobbies of third-rate companies that have pictures of hawks soaring with the word "SUCCESS" or "TEAMWORK" under it, you'll get a kick out of this.
• Things I do not miss about Southern California: the traffic, the gas prices, the housing prices and Kevin & Bean on KROQ.
• Things I do miss about Southern California: In'n'Out Burgers, Mark & Brian on KLOS, My parents, my sisters, my brothers-in-law.
• Gotta get crackin' on the Christmas shopping. If anyone's interested, I want an iMac.

Okay, can't stay awake, gonna go sleepy bye.

Hasta,
~Rob

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2003-11-26T18:23:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd send out a quick note before Olivia and I head out to visit my folks. Take care, and I'll talk to you all after 12/4.

~Rob

Free at last! Well, for a little while, anyway.

2003-11-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

I don't have to go back to work until December 4th! Woo hoo!! Over a week off!! So, what am I doing on my first few days off ? Yesterday, I was putting the finishing touches on the 2003 holiday card for the Pee Doctors and listening to the Barenaked Ladies whilst I did so. I like that word: whilst. People should use it more.

Today, I went to the Kimbell Art Museum in Fort Worth to see the Painted Prayers Exhibit, getting lost on the way there in the process. Very impressive: would have gone even if I didn't have a paper on it due tomorrow in my 2-D Design class.

Finally got my car registered in the Lone Star State - didn't cost as much as I thought it would, so that was good news.

Tip to all hopeful cartoonists out there from your Unca Rob: If you need to apply white-out to a mistake you made inking, make sure to erase all your pencil lines first. I discovered recently (as in, five minutes ago) that White-out does not take well to having an eraser dragged across it. Smear city.

That's about it for today. I may not be posting very regualrly until after Dec 4th or so - Olivia and I are going out of town for Thanskgiving. So, let me say to you all, Happy Thanksgiving and I'll talk to you later!

~Rob

Stately Wayne Manor? Not exactly...

2003-11-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,
The holidays are coming upon us a little too fast - they started playing Christmas music in my store on November 1st. I don't know that I'm in the Christmas spirit yet. What with all the crap I've had to deal with lately, it's no wonder. Still, I have some things to look forward to, chief among them seeing my parents for the first time since last May. Also, tomorrow Olivia and I are going to her parents' land in Hell-And-Gone, Texas. They bought this huge parcel of property in the middle of rural North Texas and are building their retirement home there. I keep telling them that it's the perfect location for a superhero headquarters and that they should at least have a batpole installed in the new house, but I don't think they're taking that suggestion seriously.

I am happy about one more thing: I don't have to work tomorrow!!! Nyah nyah nyah, fellow co-workers! I finally got a Saturday off in I don't know how long and I plan to enjoy it with my in-laws, watching my father-in-law show me where the kitchen will go once the house is built. Should be entertaining.

Getting a little sleepy now - it's late as I write this. Before I go, a shout out to My Aunt and Cousin in Carson City - you know who you are! Love you guys. :)

Take care,
~Rob

A Good Samaritan ... sort of. (or: I'm a MAN dammit!)

2003-11-19T14:19:00.000-08:00

Came home this afternoon after covering a sick friend's shift at the store and found a message on my answering machine from an older gentleman named Vernon Mullins. The thing is, that's all he said: "This is Vernon Mullins at (phone number)" and then he hung up.

Now, the thing that gets me is, I called him back. This either illustrates that I am a nice guy or that I have way too much free time on my hands - you choose.

I get Vernon on the phone and he then proceeded to ask me about his power bill. Turns out that Vernon got overcharged and the phone number that the power company has printed on their bills is one digit off from mine. I'm surprised this hasn't happened before. Okay, easy mistake to make. No problem. Got that ironed out for him.

The thing that pissed me off is that he kept calling me "Ma'am." I tried to correct Vernon several times and said that I was a man, but he kept calling me "Ma'am." I even said "My name is ROBERT. I'm not a ma'am, I'm a man!" Which, I guess if you have a hearing problem like Vernon seemed to, sounds like I'm saying "I'm not a ma'am, I'm a ma'am!" Geez, I know my voice does not sound that effeminate. At least, I hope it doesn't (I can just hear my brothers-in-law and my best friend giggling in glee at that one).

~Rob THE MAN!

I hate spam

2003-11-16T05:23:00.002-08:00

Okay, maybe I'm by myself here ( I doubt it), but what is up with all the spam email I keep getting?? I mean, I'll log onto my account and it'll say "53 messages to transfer" and I know that maybe three of them are actual emails I want to read. I know I'm on a mailing list - nearly everyone in the world is - but one thing I'd like to know is where did these guys get their random name generator? Some of these emails have names like "Shirlee Jackson" or "Tolliver Banson" in the 'from' field. It's weird.

Here, in no certain order, are some of the things I'm regularly offered via spam:

Breast reduction (hey, I know I'm fat, but this is just mean!)

Refinance my mortgage (I'm going to trust one of the most impotrant decisions of my life to some joker on the 'net?)

Buy Human Growth Hormone

See live webcams of sorority girls

See live webcams of (shudder) girls doing it with farm animals (JEEZ!! What kind of a mailing list am I on??!!)

Get my horoscope delivered via email each day

The latest news from the Church of Scientology - I'm not a member!

Breast enlargement (Huh?)

and finally:Penis enlargement (do these people know something I don't?)

Gotta go to the Holiday party (a.k.a interminably long meeting) at Barnes & Noble. Talk to you later!
~Rob

Quick Note - Trivia Answer

2003-11-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

The question was: How long can Aquaman stay out of water, and what happens if he exceeds that limit?
The Answer: One hour. If he exceeds that limit, he weakens and could eventually die.

~Rob

Feeling better

2003-11-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

Well, the stress of this week has been phenomenal, but things are starting to even out now. My parents are doing better in the aftermath of my uncle's death. The only thing they have to contend with now is the callous way that my cousin, Ingrate, has chosen to handle the final arrangements - or not, as the case may be. She decided to just hand it all over to the VA and let them handle it. She didn't even tell anyone until yesterday that was what she did, thinking no one would want to attend any sort of service. I was talking with my wife the other day and she asked me how it is that my immediate family (parents and siblings only) turned out so great and my extended family turned out so screwed up? I didn't have a satisfactory answer for her, although I made the case that at least one of my aunts and uncles on my father's side are nice if a bit distant, one of my female cousins and her husband seem to be all right, and the one remaining male cousin I have seems to have matured after having had a child.My relatives-in-law are great, by the way - I'm talking about blood relations here.

Now the only thing I have to worry about is the Pee Doctors card. I sort of inherited a paying cartooning gig from my late "sort-of" mentor, Randy Wicks, who would draw a holiday card for a urology practice in my home town, which would then be mailed out to all their patients, including my parents. The head of the practice is a huge Beatles fan and for the past few years, he's wanted the four doctors in his practice depicted in re-creations of Beatles album covers. This year, he wants "Abbey Road" which if your memory is faulty, is the one where the Beatles are walking across a crosswalk on a suburban-looking British street. I have to get on the stick about that in between working at the bookstore, finishing my art projects for my design class, nursing Olivia back to health, and trying to get some exercise in so I can lose some of my tonnage.

Here's hoping your weekend is better than mine!

~Rob

R.I.P.

2003-11-13T12:10:00.000-08:00

My uncle passed away last night at 10:00PM Los Angeles time. I'll write more later, possibly tomorrow.

~Rob

I'm surrounded by sick people

2003-11-12T13:15:00.000-08:00

It seems that a good number of the people I know are sick. My uncle - well, I've already gone into that in previous posts. No news there, though. My parents are recovering from acute food poisoning and my wife is battling acute bronchitis (everything seems to be acute lately). So far, I've dodged the bullet.

On happier news, talked to my best friend the other day and found out that he'll be around when I go to visit my folks during Thanksgiving weekend. Also, we talked about our plans to go to Vegas in February. To quote Vince Vaughn, "Vegas, baby, Vegas!"

TRIVIA QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

How long can Aquaman stay out of water, and happens to him if he stays out longer than that?

Email me at car2nist@earthlink.net with your answer. I don't know what kind of prize I can offer, but I'll come up with something.

~Rob

More on my uncle and other things

2003-11-10T12:02:00.000-08:00

An update on my Uncle Jay: Last Wednesday (I think), a nurse practitioner came to my parent's house and checked him out. Shortly afterwards, she called my uncle's doctor and had him hospitalized. Flash-forward to today: I just got off the phone with my dad. The hospital called and told them that my uncle may not last the night - perhaps tomorrow, but that's all. Now that I've had some time to reflect on the events of the past week, I find that I'm not as upset as I was, just saddened more than anything. All this just before Thanksgiving, when I'll be seeing my folks for the first time in about 6 months.
I love the holidays, don't you?

~Rob

A Slight Case of School Spirit Overkill

2003-11-09T09:46:00.001-08:00

Once I started posting this blog, I realized that my immediate family probably wouldn't be too thrilled with me if I gave their real names out "on the air", as it were. My wife has decided that her online alias will be Olivia. I know this seems hokey, but this is the only untruth I intend to tell on this blog - the names are being changed to protect the innocent, or the easily embarrassed. My real name, however, is Rob Chambers. So there :)
Anyway, my wife Olivia and I went to her college Homecoming and Alumni Band (of which she's a part - she played clarinet in college). She went to Baylor University, which is a college in the same hometown as David Koresh and was recently the site of an alleged murder (gotta remember to protect myself from libel) of one of their basketball players.
Before I illustrate to you what yesterday was like, you have to know a little about me. I didn't go to a school that had oodles of school pride. California State University Northridge was (and is) a commuter school, and the most notable thing to come out of CSUN is the earthquake that hit it in 1992 or so (yes, I was in that quake). One of the things it's certainly not known for are the following:

Marching band

Football

School Spirit of any measurable kind

So, it was something of a kick in the back of the head to leap into the deep end of Homecoming at Baylor. They have all these rituals that they do at the games, like waving their hands in the air and shouting out "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh Sic'em Bears!!!!" They seemed to do this everytime Baylor got a touchdown. Or a field goal. Or whenever it seemed that things were getting a bit boring, which was often - Baylor got their butts kicked like (in the words of Dennis Miller) a narc at a biker rally. Baylor played Texas Tech and it was simply sad how badly Baylor did. But the crowd kept up their spirits - this was Homecoming, after all. One lady from the class of '86 sitting next to me said "The Lord knows someone has to win and someone has to lose." This was another thing that I had to keep in mind: Baylor is a Baptist university, whereas my religious upbringing was an even mix of Roman Catholic and common sense (i.e. God has a sense of humor, something I think a lot of more fundamentalist Christians seem to forget, along with the fact that Jesus was Jewish). Anyway, it was little odd how devoted some of these people were to their school - I've seen a similar kind of pride in alumni from Texas A&M and the University of Texas,among others.
Now, this is not to say that I had a bad time. Despite the fact that it drizzled all day, I had a great time, mostly playing with the children of one of my wife's former dormmates. I even watched them while she and my wife went down on the field to perform in the Alumni band halftime show (they did flags - Olivia hasn't played her clarinet in years).
Overall, we had a good time, and I got to meet some people from my wife's college past. I may even go again next year - as long as that bear mascot of their's remembers to keep it's fly zipped.
~Rob

What a difference a day makes!

2003-11-07T12:34:00.001-08:00

Okay, I'm feeling less ticked off today and less stressed about my family. I just finished perusing Wil Wheaton's weblog and I feel like a slacker. I know how to use Dreamweaver and that's what he uses for his site, for the most part. Like I said before, I am not satisfied with how this default template looks, so I'll be tweaking it over the coming weeks.
I gotta go - got a D&D game to plot out!

Take care,
~Rob

What to do? Family Problems

2003-11-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

When I decided to start this blog, I decided that I would strive to be 100% honest and that it reflect how I am feeling at the moment of each entry. Bearing this in mind....

NOTE: If you are related to me, proceed at your own risk

You ever have one of those days where you seem to be going along pretty good and then *bam* you get hit between the eyes with stress? I had a pretty busy day at work, slinging books to the masses and then I get home and between talking to my sister and my mother, I now have stress big time. Not because they gave me that stress; it's the news they gave me about my uncle.
My uncle is not long for this world. Mind you, he's helping himself along that path, but I came to find out today that my cousin (his daughter, the Ingrate) is not helping at all. My Uncle Jay (not his real name) and his daughter have, to the best of my knowledge, had a strained relationship. However, let me put this to you: how cold of a human being is she to tell my mother that when her father died that someone let her know so that she could get his money? Not "so I may have my final moment with him", just to get his money (not that he has any.) Mind you, Ingrate's not doing one single thing to care for her father - oh no, she's leaving that to my mother, since my uncle's other sister (my Aunt Linda - again, not her real name) doesn't seem to want to lift a finger to help in any way.
This man is my godfather. He stood with me at my Confirmation as my sponsor. I wish I could do more for him and for my parents, but I can't, I'm over 1300 miles away. Now, my mother is caring for her brother, watching him die and I am so afraid that she'll blame herself when he passes away.
Does anyone out there know what I mean? My wife and I sent out a great deal of information regarding care my uncle can receive from the Veteran's Administration to my folks (who aren't trained as caregivers and are feeling the strain), but I can't help but feel like there is more that I can do, or should be doing.
If you have anything to add, email me at car2nist@earthlink.net

Take care,
~Rob

One quick note

2003-11-05T15:47:00.000-08:00

I'm not too jazzed about this default template Blogger provides, so the look of this page will be changing soon. Since I know nothing about how these templates are created, however, it may be a while.

~Rob

Okay, first hurdle met.... now what?

2003-11-05T11:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, now that I've got this blog up and running, let me tell you a bit about myself. First off, I am in no way related to any of the following people:
* Chris Chambers (basketball player)
* Marilyn Chambers (aging porn star)
* Robert E. Chambers Jr. (also known as the Preppie Murderer, who recently got out of prison for killing Jennifer Levin in Central Park in the late 80s)

Secondly, I've been drawing cartoons since I was 5 years old and I have a degree in illustration from California State University Northridge, which is a place that to this day I consider the Denny's of higher education.

Third, I did editorial cartoons for a long time for a very small newspaper in Southern California called The Signal which had no problem printing my cartoons on their editiorials page as long as I didn't expect to get paid. All this gave me was the lasting enmity of the Promise Keepers (long story) and a sour taste in my mouth about editorial cartooning. Currently, I work for Barnes & Noble as a lowly bookseller, where I am quietly collecting stories and making observations for a new comic strip set in the customer service industry called "Nametags".

That oughta do it for now. More about me later!

Take care,
~Rob

2003-11-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

Inaugural entry

Hi. My name is Rob Chambers and I'm a struggling cartoonist currently living in Dallas, Texas. If you've ever come to this site before, you've no doubt seen a sign on it that reads "Update coming soon" or words to that effect. Well, this is the update, such as it is. True, no new cartoons are posted on here, although I hope to have the links for my past work up and running soon (and I do mean SOON), I decided that I needed to keep a running commentary going, to practice my writing skills if nothing else.

What do I hope to do with this weblog? Well, the usual: complain, praise, expound and in general blather on about my life. If you like self-deprecating humor laced with slice-of-life stories, you've come to the right place. Kick off your shoes, grab me a beer and stay a while.

~Rob