Rob's Ten Commandments of Retail Conduct

Hi folks,
I realized something the other day, something that I guess just didn't gel in my mind until now: a lot of people in this country have never worked in the customer service industry. I am firmly of the opinion that every person in America should be required to work at least 1 year in some sort of customer service occupation, so as to engender understanding and empathy for those whose job it is to wait upon others. Since that is somewhat unrealistic, I decided that the next best thing was to make a list of things to keep in mind when visiting any retail establishment. Some are humorous, some aren't, but all are valid, I think.
Before you begin reading, yes I know that there are many things that folks on my side of the counter should do as well, but that list will come at a later time. It's my dime, I'm venting.


Rob's Ten Commandments of Retail Conduct

1) Thou shalt get off of thy cellphone whilst being waited upon by me, lest I raise my voice to a level high enough to drown out your conversation;
2) Thou shalt make eye contact and at least pretend to be a pleasant human being whilst being waited upon by me - grunting "yes" or "no" do not a conversation make;
3) Thou shalt not buy a 50¢ newspaper, whip out a $100 bill and say "Sorry, all I have are hundreds." Thou shalt not find pity for thy rich arrogant ass here;
4) Thou shalt not tell me that X Store across the street and/or X website is selling the same book for 50% less, as I truly don't care;
5) Thou shalt not place crying, fussing children to sit upon my counter and expect me to watch them while you root through your purse/pockets looking for your cellphone (see Commandment #1)
6) Thou shalt not covet my job; ye know not of what ye speak (i.e. "Gee, I think it'd be great to work in a bookstore!");
7) Observe well the last hour of store operation and vacate the premises quickly - we want go home also;
8) Thou shalt remember to bathe at least once per day so as not to inflict thy bodily aroma upon others, such as myself (SPECIAL SUBNOTE TO WOMEN: Use a mirror when applying makeup, as misapplied makeup may well incur involuntary laughter in those around you);
9) Threaten not to never shop here again; with that attitude, thy business is not welcome anyway;
10) Just because I wear a nametag does not mean that I am not a person just like you. A sense of humor and compassion is most appreciated.

Take care,
~Rob