Enter The Meatshield

Hi all,

As I'm sure you've noticed, I have stopped updating this blog. However, I now have my very own webcomic where you can keep up on my doings and whatnot at Meatshield, which is a Dungeons & Dragons-style humor strip. Hope you enjoy it!

Take care,
~Rob

Gee whizzikers, where the heck have I been?

Hi folks.

I realize I've neglected this blog of late, and that it has been a rather significant period of time since I last posted here. Sorry about that. I've been kind of distracted. Lots of things have been going on, and I only wish that they were all good.

Back in September, I finally got a job in Las Vegas, writing and editing for a website called Unicahome.com. I was hired pretty much sight unseen by the owner, who recognized pretty quickly that I had some talent when it came to writing. When I asked them what my job title was, I was told to "make something up," as nobody had any clearly defined job titles. I chose "web content editor," which pretty much summed it up. I checked the prices of items for sale, wrote product descriptions, and wrote book reviews for the weekly newsletter when needed. I was finally starting to feel like I was being appreciated for my talents, which were being used in a professional setting for the first time in a very long time.

I was laid off from that job a little over a week ago.

Why? The economic downturn that has bitch-slapped America and the rest of the world, really. The website I worked for sells high-end designer furniture and household goods, lamps, and objets d'arte. We're talking really expensive stuff, like couches that sell for well over $4,000 that you can't figure out how to sit in. Or my personal favorite, the fall of the damned' lampshade, which depicts the souls of the damned falling into Hell. That sucker goes for over $51,000. So, the only people that can afford stuff like that are people that are loaded, and between the economic meltdown, the financial companies collapsing, and the pyramid scheme with that Maddoff guy (however you spell the name - it's late and I don't feel like looking it up), a lot of their customer base dried up.

So, my being effectively fired severed any ties my family and I might have had keeping us in Vegas. We're moving back to Santa Clarita, California to be closer to family and so that my wife can resume working in the main office of her employer.

If anyone knows of anyone hiring in the northern LA area, please let me know. I can use all the help I can get, frankly.

Take care,
~Rob

Okay, here's where I become a jerk for a little bit.

I just read something today that made me scratch my head and wonder "Why?" Lynn Johnston is kind of ending her popular comic strip, For Better or For Worse, this Sunday. I say "kind of" because she is but she isn't. Go look at this link. I'll wait.

Did you read it? Good. You probably share my puzzlement. If you didn't go to that link, here's the gist of it: The storyline that has made up the past 29 years of For Better or For Worse is coming to an end this Sunday, only to be relaunched from DAY ONE on Monday. That's right, Ms. Johnston is hitting the rewind button and going all the way back to 1979. Essentially, she's going to all of her old strips and re-drawing and re-writing some of them and telling the whole story all over again. Michael and Elizabeth will be kids again, April will be a newborn (when she finally shows up) and Elly and John will be younger and parents of little kids. Oh, and Farley the dog will be back.

Here's the part where I become a jerk: This sounds to me an awful lot like just trying to keep a steady paycheck rolling in and less about the art. She claims that she wants to revisit those stories with the experience and technical craft that she has at her command now, but I don't entirely buy that. Now, I've never been someone whose head was so far up in the clouds that I can't realize that art and commerce must coexist, but... criminy, this is just rehashing old work. If she wants to stay in the game, as she purports in the article, then why not either keep the strip going or start a new strip? I think that part of it is that, no matter how many comic strip collections she's sold and how many papers her strip runs in (about 2000 papers), FBOFW doesn't have the broad marketability of, say, Garfield or Peanuts, where plush toys, animated cartoons, movies, musicals, etc. have been made of those strips. As much as readers love the Patterson family and their friends, no one wants a Michael Patterson action figure. Farley the dog (who died saving an infant April Patterson) - OK, there you got me, people might want a plush of him.

To a limited extent, I can understand why she's doing this: cartoonists essentially work for ourselves. We have no health insurance, no 401K (or whatever the Canadian equivalent is), no benefits whatsoever besides the ones that we are able to procure for ourselves. Doing a full rewind means that she will still be earning her standard rate for her strips, but for much less work, thus ensuring that she will be able to provide for herself in her later years.

Mind you, I know that I do not have the career that Ms. Johnston does and may not ever have one like it, since newspapers are dying off like flies hitting a bugzapper, but I feel that she can keep the story going if she really wants to. Part of her desire to rewind may have to do with her divorce from her husband of 32 years; looking backward at happier times is so much easier than going forward into an uncertain future. Believe me, I know all about that.

OK, I'm done being a jerk (for now). With my luck, this sort of thing will bite me in the butt in the future:
"Rob, this is Lynn Johnston. Lynn, this is Rob Chambers."
"oh, yes. I remember your little rant about me in 2008."
"Umm, yeah. Nice to meet you." The temperature drops by 15 degrees with the icy stare directed my way.

Take care,
~Rob

Random Ramblings and A Brother Who Needs Some Love

As the title above suggests, this is going to be one of my random rambling posts. You have been warned.

• I am now gainfully employed! I have joined the web team at a contemporary art home furnishings website called Unica Home. I start on 9/2 and I'm looking forward to it.

• At the same time, the girls will be going to preschool and not a moment too soon. As much as I love them to bits, they need to be in a structured school environment.

• Everyone and his brother seems to have seen The Dark Knight except me and strangely, since I am a gigantic comic book nerd, I have absolutely no desire to see it. Didn't care about Batman Begins either, even though it brought one of my favorite Batman villains to the screen : Ra's al Ghul. Apparently, Robert Downey Jr. shares a similar opinion with me regarding Dark Knight, although he uses slightly more colorful language to express his displeasure.

• In case you haven't looked at my links to the right, let me introduce you to someone who I truly feel is not only a great cartoonist but a great guy: Tom Beland. Tom and I share a few things in common: he's from California, he's a cartoonist, and he was in a long distance relationship with his wife for a long time before he made the leap and moved across the country to Puerto Rico. Well, without sounding too sappy, Tom is hurtin', folks. Tom's comic book, "True Story Swear to God", which is one of the books I look to when I need reminding that I can indeed be a cartoonist again, isn't doing real well, sales-wise. The book is getting eclipsed by other books that have half-naked women on the covers with 75 HHH breasts and 14 inch waists. You think I'm exaggerating, don't you? You may not have seen a superhero comic in a while, then. Tom just came out with a compilation of his books which are available at your local comics store or by ordering online here. But that ain't all, folks. Tom has been having some health issues, mostly involving his back and his drawing hand, which he has been having tremors in and let me tell you, that's pretty frickin' terrifying for any artist. After my sight, that's the one thing that I would truly fear losing, my ability to draw. So, do me a favor, gang: go to his blog and give the brother a little love: say a prayer, let him know that a lot of folks care, whatever you feel comfortable doing. He does great work and deserves to have his work seen by as many people as possible.

Thanks, and take care,
~Rob

My Birthday. Such as it is.

I have no idea how to begin this post. I guess I just did, though.

I don't mean that to sound as foreboding as it must sound. It's just that, on your birthday, you're usually supposed to have some sort of pithy comment or advice for those younger than you. I don't have anything like that right now. All I know is this: remember the movie City Slickers, with Billy Crystal? Near the beginning of the movie, Billy Crystal's character, Mitch, is addressing his son's class on career day and just starts whining and moaning, saying, "Treasure these moments, kids, 'cause you'll never have it this good again. Your 20s will be a blur. You'll spend your 30s saying, "Hey, what happened to my 20s?" I hate to say it, but so far, he's right on the money. I did spend my 30s regretting the fact that I spent my 20s working in a motel on graveyard shifts for 13 years. I regret not getting out enough. I regret not losing the weight that I need to. I also regret that I have recently been treated like persona non grata with Zappos.com.

Get this, campers: ON MY 40th BIRTHDAY, three days before I was to be interviewed by Zappos (again) for employment, I got a phone call stating that their training class was full and that I was put on the list for the 2009 class. I'm sorry, but when exactly did they realize that the class was full? Today? Just like that, all of a sudden? I doubt it. This interview had been planned for the last 6 WEEKS! I had a ton of hopes pinned on it, and just like that, they've all been dashed. I feel like I've had this carrot dangled in front of me, only to have it snatched away from me at the last moment.

Last night, my wife asked me not to get maudlin today. Too late. She also said to focus on what I do have versus what I don't. She's right. I do have a great deal. I have a loving wife. I have two adorable twin daughters. Although I have a small circle of friends, they are close ones, for the most part. My family still talks to me;), even when I get maudlin. I have a roof over my head and food on the table.

So, I didn't get this job, and how I was notified kind of stinks. Things could be a lot worse. I could have ended up a living embodiment of Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.

Take care,
~Rob

The Legion of Robs

Huh.

You know how sometimes you'll come across someone that has the same birthday as you and there's this lull in the conversation where you wonder if you should have some sort of connection with the other person? I just had that, only different.

I just met another Rob Chambers. Sort of.

A few years ago, I got an email from someone named Rob Chambers that wanted to buy my domain name. At the time, I was trying to break into editorial cartooning and needed (I thought) a domain name of my name so as to make myself better known to publishers. I thanked my fellow RC for the interest, but no thank you.

When I told my wife about it, she wondered who it could be. I joked that it might be Robert E. Chambers, Jr., the Preppy Murderer. She told me I was sick. I then said, "Ehh, it's probably a lawyer that wants to hire some 16 year-old to code a webpage for him because he hears it's all the rage these days with the younger people."

Then, out of the blue, I said, "It might be that guy at Microsoft that works on voice-recognition technology." How did I know of him? Well, like a lot of people, I Google my own name every once in a while, and this guy pops up a lot. I was working for a non-profit at the time that did closed-captioning by doing something called Voice writing, using an voice-recognition application called ViaVoice to create caption text files, so it would have been odd if this were that guy.

Turns out, yep, it was that guy. I got an email from him today. Seems like a pretty cool guy. Life's weird. :)

Take care,
~Rob

Indulge my Geekiness, won't you?

Howdy folks. OK, this is going to be a 100% geeky post because I'll be talking about Dungeons and Dragons. If you have an allergy to geeky subject matter, I suggest you take some Benadryl and put a cool cloth on your forehead. As for the rest of you, here we go...

I'm going to assume that if you're still reading this that you have some familiarity with the game, so I won't be explaining concepts and terminology as I go. Like I said, 100% geek. Anyway, recently, Wizards of the Coast (the company that now publishes D&D) came out with D&D 4th Edition. I got my brand-spanking new rulebooks Monday before last and.... hmmm. For the most part, it's a much more streamlined system, but I have a few quibbles with it. Specifically, the abilities many of the traditional classes now have or have lost. Here's my list:

WHAT THE HECK WERE THEY THINKING?

1. Paladins can no longer detect evil, are no longer immune to disease and poison, and don't get the option to have a paladin's warhorse. Also, they can now be of any alignment, which in my mind takes a lot of the RP fun right out of it.
   
2. Rangers no longer get access to nature-oriented divine magic, there is no clear-cut definition for how tracking works, and they no longer have any abilities with animals AT ALL, including an animal companion. Now, they're just snipers or guys that can use two weapons really well (you have to choose one or the other).
   
3. Wizards, even though they got rid of the Vancian magic system, which is good (i.e. you memorize spells and then have to re-memorize them after you use them), the breadth of wizard abilities are limited to variations of "you blow stuff up real good", with only a few utilitarian powers. Also, they can no longer attract familiars. I'm of two opinions about that: its been part of the game since 1st edition (I think) and a familiar adds a certain level of utility and flavor to your wizard. However, I have run wizards and seen other people run wizards where they have forgotten about their familiars until it was brought to their attention ( 'Isn't your owl able to fly up there?' 'Huh? Oh, yeah, my owl. Yeah, he can fly up there').
4. The Warlord class. If the other PCs are the grunts in combat, he/she's the officer barking orders and leading by example. Fine. Could've been made part of the fighter class, but, heh, whatever. One member of the group that I'm going to run 4E for is already planning on making a warlord. I'm going to reserve judgment on this one until I see it "in the field."
5. Many of the signature spells of 3E are either not present or have been so drastically changed that the only thing that stayed the same was the name. Mage Armor? Gone. Wish? Gone. Damn near any illusion or conjuration-based spell? Gone.
6. Very very very limited multiclassing. Gone are the days of taking a few levels of fighter here, 2 levels of rogue here, etc. Now, you multiclass by taking a feat that enables you to exchange one or more of your main class' abilities for an ability from the other class. You stay a fighter, for example, but you are a fighter that might be able to cast magic missile or turn undead. Also, you only get to multiclass into one other class. That's it.
   
7. No prestige classes. They have things called paragon paths and epic destinies, which may sound neat but are pretty weak and inflexible compared to prestige classes. Oh, I forgot to mention, paragon paths and epic destinies ensure that you stay with your main class - again, there is essentially no multiclassing, which sucks, IMHO.
   
8. Many people have argued that the rules have been "dumbed down." Again, I will reserve judgment.
9. Half-orcs are not present and neither are gnomes. True, I know no one who has ever played a gnome, bu I know they have their fans in the RPG community. Half-orcs, on the other hand, have a lot of fans - it's always fun to play the big dumb guy that just blunders through and messes up everything (Leeroy Jenkins, anyone?) Instead, they went ahead and made one brand new race called the Dragonborn (remember the Draconians from Dragonlance? Kind of like those guys, except nicer origin and no wings, but they do get a breath weapon) and reworked two previously existing races: tieflings (half-demonic humans) and eladrin (elves that REALLY love magic versus loving the forest). Also, they made halflings into a people that travel the rivers of the world. I'm sorry, but in my mind, halflings will always be at least city dwellers, if not little people that live in hobbit-holes.
   

Ok, that's all the energy I have for ranting right now. Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think.

Take care,
~Rob

Meatshield strip Number 2!

Yay! Strip #2 done! 2 down, 28 to go till start-up. Click on the image for a larger version.

Take care,
~Rob

A Moment of Genius! Sort of.

I don't know about you, but whenever I take a drink out of a coffee cup that has one of those to-go lids on it, some of that coffee just kinda spurts back up out of the lid at me because of the suction. I mean, there's this little hole on the top of it that supposed to equalize the pressure but that's never poked all the way through because the way it's manufactured.

You know what occurred to me, only about a month ago or so? Take a ball point pen and widen that hole. Now, I'm nearly 40 years old. I've been drinking coffee since I was roughly about 20. Here's the point: it has taken me 20 years to think of this brilliant move.

There are times I wonder how I get by in life. This was one of those :)

Take care,
~Rob

Heh?

I was out walking the girls around our neighborhood and I saw a car with a license plate that said "Sorrow". What the heck is up with that? I wonder what the story is behind that one.

Yep, that's all I've got for you today. Hasta!

Take care,
~Rob

Meatshield Prototype #1

This is the first of what I hope to be many examples of my webcomic "Meatshield". I just thought I'd post it here t get some feedback and to prove that, yes, I can draw and write. The idea behind this is pretty simple: Your average Dungeons and Dragons team of adventurers meets The Office. Sort of.



Meatshield copyright 2008 Rob Chambers

More to come...
Take care,
~Rob

Brief update from yesterday

I just got my rejection letter for the editorial assistant job. It was a very nice rejection letter, but, still.... the quest continues.

Take care,
~Rob

A little bit of catch-up

Hi everybody,
Just wanted to put up a quick note to let everyone know that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Here's what's been going on:

1. The job search has been in high gear for a while now and I had an interview last Friday for a position as an editorial assistant. Keep your fingers crossed!
2. When Kathy and I moved to Vegas, everyone and his brother was saying, "Hey, Rob, if you want to work in Hospitality, that's the city to do it in, they're giving jobs away if you have any experience....." Well, I heard something on the local news that denies that: Most of the casinos in the Las Vegas valley have reduced their hiring by 30% and MGM/Mirage just laid off 800 people. So, there you go.
3. The girls are about 95% potty trained. Emma has got the idea for both Number 1 and Number 2, but Nicki is having trouble with Number 2. Lots of poopy panties. I love being a stay-at-home dad :) .
4. I have begun work on a webcomic called Meatshield. You can go there now, but there's hardly anything there. The elevator pitch for the strip is "Imagine Dungeons and Dragons meets The Office." Sort of.

Otherwise, we're all healthy and somewhat sane. Talk to you all later!

Take care,
~Rob

Swiper's Review

SETTING: The interior of a standard office meeting room. Seated on either side of a utilitarian desk are two people: The INTERVIEWER, a man in his mid-30s and the subject, one SWIPER T. FOX, a small foxlike creature wearing blue gloves and a blue mask.

Interviewer (I): All right now, Mr... Fox, is it?

Swiper T. Fox (F): Heh heh heh, that's right!

I: This should only take a few minutes, it's just your standard Villain year-end review, nothing too complicated.

F: Okie dokie!

I: .... Right. Now then, why don't you tell me, in a nutshell, just what it is that you do?

F: Sure! I SWIPE things!

I: Ah! Theft! Very good, very good, that's always a commendable skill for a villain to have. How much have you netted this year from your thievery?

F: Huh? I don't use nets.

I: (blinks) No, I meant how much money have you earned from the sales of your ill-gotten gains?

F: I don't sell anything I swipe.

I: I see. What do you do with the things you steal, then?

F: It's classic! I sneak up on a little girl and her pet monkey, then I take whatever they have and throw them away!

I: Throw them away?

F: Yeah! Then I say "You'll never find your stuff now!"

I: Hmmm. Go on.

F: (fidgets in seat) I mean, that's usually how it works... then. You know, like that. (coughs) Unless...

I: Unless... what?

F: Unless they hear me coming, then sometimes it don't work out so good.

I: "Doesn't"

F: Huh?

I: You said "don't work out so good." It should be "Doesn't", not "don't."

F: (stares blankly, mouth agape)

I: So, if they hear you coming, do you run away, try again when they can't hear you?

F: No, I just try anyway.

I: Ah, perseverance! Excellent! Then what happens?

F: If I'm fast enough, I get their stuff. If they catch me, and say "Swiper No Swiping" three times, then I can't get their stuff.

(five minutes go by in silence)

I: Let me see if I understand this, Mr. Fox. You don't sell what you steal, you simply throw it away.

F: Uh huh!

I: You only steal from ONE individual - no banks, nothing like that?

F: Yeah! Well, her and her monkey friend!

I: And if she hears you coming -- how is that she hears you?

F: Oh, I have really a neat sound effect when I'm sneaking up on someone! It sounds like this:

(a sound suspiciously like a maraca being shaken is heard)

I: ... Right. (coughs) If she hears that, she simply tells you not to steal three times and you go along with it?

F: Yeah!

I: Is this girl your nemesis?

F: Nemewhatsis?

I: Nemesis. Is she your enemy?

F: No! I love Dora!

I: Hmm. I think I've heard all I need to. Mr. Fox, you are without a doubt the worst so-called villain I have ever met, and in my opinion, you are borderline mentally retarded. I am officially downgrading your status from Villain to Minor Annoyance. As such, you are no longer employable with this firm.

F: No, Wait! I really need you guy's insurance! I can't afford COBRA!

I: Also, I advise you to invest in some remedial English classes - "You guy's" is not proper English.

F: But but but--

I: Good day.

(INTERVIEWER presses a button on the desk which opens a trap door beneath Swiper, dropping him into the black pit below)

F: (falling) Ohhhhhh, Man!!!

I: (sighs) Ms. McGillicutty, who is next for review?

(an intercom on the desk crackles to life): Your next subjects are a pair of monkeys called The BoBo Brothers. Shall I send them in?

I: Sure, send them in.

I: I hate this job.

[END RECORDING]

Quick Quote

Hi Folks,

Just a quick post (with a more detailed one to follow) - I saw a quote today that I just had to share, as I feel it to be very very true:

“Every time you sniff and say somebody has ‘too much free time,’ the part of you that used to love making things for pure joy dies a little.”

— Merlin Mann

Talk to you all later

Take care,
~Rob

Coffee Coffee. Buzz Buzz.

Being a stay-at-home dad, there are a few things that I need in order to function well in that role. Hell, in any role, come to think of it. One of those daily rituals is coffee. Daddy needs his "go juice" in the morning or I'm nursing a massive caffeine withdrawal headache by 11:00am. My favorite blend (so far) is Millstone Coffee's Foglifter, which has a nice picture of the Golden Gate Bridge on the bag (I'm a sucker for San Francisco imagery) and does what it says: lifts the fog from your brain.

Unless, of course, your coffeemaker breaks, like mine did yesterday.

For now, I am making do with Folger's Coffee packets (kind of like teabags for coffee instead), but it doesn't quite compare to having a full pot of coffee at your disposal. Since money's tight right now (the aftermath of the holidays), a new coffeemaker has to wait for a bit. I have developed a curiosity of late for a particular blend of coffee that I am told is the java version of Nirvana: Tim Horton's coffee.

For those who don't know (which until a few months ago included me) Tim Horton's is a donut chain that is to Canada what Starbucks is in the U.S. In fact, I've heard stories where people will go to Tim Horton's to get their coffee and then go to the Starbucks across the street to socialize. Apparently, it's that good. There's also an urban myth that Tim Horton's laces their coffee with nicotine, which I just find hilarious. One of these days I will either a) go to a Tim Horton's and try it for myself firsthand, or b) order a bag of it via this website, which would be much cheaper, I know.

I need a cup of coffee. Talk to you all later!

Take care,
~Rob

Hi folks,

Just a real quick post this time - there's this site called Not Always Right.Com, which relates tales of customer service and how sometimes the customer isn't always right. I posted a story to it from when I worked For Barnes & Noble in Texas and it just got published today! Here's the link.

Longer post later, I promise

Take care,
~Rob

Happy Holidays - I'm freezing!

Just a quick note to say "Happy Holidays" and to say that I and my family are greatly enjoying our stay in Nocona, Texas (also know as "the middle of nowhere"), even though it is freezing here.

That's it, really. Sometimes, I ain't too deep :).

Take care,
~Rob

P.S. I didn't get the job at Zappos. Oh well. Anyone in the Vegas area hiring? I draw pictures real good... :)

Naked Naked Naked!

One of my little girls has discovered something about herself: she likes to run around the house naked. Now, she's 3 years old, so this can be excused, but it doesn't help that while she does it she shouts out "I"M NAKED NAKED NAKED!", giggling all the while. I love my girls. Even when they're naked. I just have these nightmares that being naked will someday play into a career choice for them. Hey, we live in Vegas, it could happen ;).

In other news, we have started serious potty training here at the house, which Emma is starting to take to. I had no idea that seeing the light dawn on her face when she pees in the potty (apparently, I am no longer able to refer to it as the toilet - it's the potty) would make me so happy, but it does.

I have an interview this afternoon with Zappos.com, an online shoe company which seems like a terrific place to work. I'll divulge more about it if and/or when I get the job.

Take care,
~Rob

Halloween is for kids

Hi all,
After managing to completely futz up my computer, I am now back up and among the living on the Internet. Halloween was great and my girls were pirates for Halloween, as seen below:



However, I have this to say: if you are old enough to shave, you shouldn't go out trick-or-treating. If you have to switch shifts with a co-worker so you can work on your costume, you shouldn't go out trick-or-treating. If you have to DRIVE yourself to where you want to trick-or-treat... well, you get the idea.
I mean, I know that some folks may not agree with me, but Halloween is a holiday for children. Some of the kids I saw last night were easily 6 feet tall, and here are my two little 3-year-olds, barely two feet tall, having to jockey for position at the door to get the candy that they are never going to eat anyway, as the last thing these two need is more sugar in their systems.

Take care,
~Rob