Bachelor! continued....

Continuing our sneak peek from last time.....

"Bachelor! How to stay Single for the rest of your natural life - or even longer!" by Rob Chambers

4.Start your own militia.
Have you had enough of the Feds and your girlfriend? Kill two birds with one stone and start "The People's Resistance for the Sovereign State of Willowborough, Kansas", or "The New Republic of Arnold." Your girlfriend will be gone before you can say 'treason', and you'll have the undivided attention of hundreds of FBI agents!

5.Dress yourself in clothing purchased in 'discount stores'.
Fine establishments such as K-Mart, Wal-Mart and Walgreen's have large selections of leisure apparel available, as well as some of the best damn tee shirts in the world, most with phrases emblazoned on them such as "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" and "You want it WHEN?!." For extra credit, you could also wear shirts bought in mini-marts or gas stations that have the name of the state you happen to be buying it in splashed across the front in bright orange neon lettering, usually with a picture of a bird or ski boat under it ( ex. CALIFORNIA!!!! [picture of dolphin leaping out of ocean]).

6. Become a conspiracy theorist.
X-Files? Art Bell? Pah! AMATEURS! You know that the government has been lying to you and hunting you because only YOU know the truth, the truth that they're willing to cover up by any means necessary, and would your sweetums mind putting you up in her basement for a few days until the black helicopters stop hovering over your house? Besides, you did ever see an episode of that show that had Fox Mulder out on a date? I rest my case.

7. Talk a lot about the past problems you've had with women.
There's nothing a woman hates more than to find out that a guy she's thinking about seeing has a TON of emotional baggage from their previous relationships. Emphasize any possible latent lesbians who were involved with you and, after leaving you, discovered their true orientation. Example: George Costanza from Seinfeld.

8.Work a dead-end job.
There's nothing like showing up for a date smelling like the grease trap at KFC to keep the women away. This also comes in handy for pity at class reunions:
Annoying Former Classmate: "So, after I got my second master's degree from Harvard and studied abroad, I went to work for the Brand Corporation and I'm currently working on the cure for AIDS. What have you been up to all these years?"
You: "Ummm, well, I'm second shift supervisor at Hot Dog on a Stick, which means I don't gotta wear that little hat they make the other employees wear. Might make manager someday if I can keep out of jail...."

to be continued...